Week 4

So this weekend will be 4 weeks since the kids have seen their Mom. We've settled into a groove of sorts - running errands, knocking out doctor and therapy appointments, getting stuff done around the house and hanging out as a family.  Its been strangely normal.  The kids have kind of stopped talking about her, being in foster care, and talking about going home.  Its sad because they seem so defeated by this like somehow they failed.  Nothing has changed with their goal of reunification.  Its as if this entire thing is on pause.  But they see the writing on the wall.  THEY know that by now she should have her act together and she's cemented their suspicion that she hasn't changed.  Even Little Mama has seemed to have given up hope that her Mom can do enough to get them back.  Which of course means that they are questioning our commitment to them.  The question before bed last night: "Mom do you like us?".

We've had some regressive behavior.  Mr. Mohawk had a ton of trouble keeping his hands to himself and has been lying up a storm.  Little Mama is forgetting homework and claiming ignorance of knowledge.  Gabby and Jelly Bean have been clingy and needy.  I took a page out of Last Mom's book and put both of them in shopping carts this past week.  Partly to help their brains process through where they were emotionally stuck, and partly because it wasn't worth the stress to me. Let me tell you when you have ADHD and anxious children you are less likely to scream and tear your hair out and head for the vodka its a lot more peaceful to grocery shop if you can put them in something. That is of course if you can keep them from fighting. And ignore the stares of other people wondering what kind of mother you are letting your 8 and 10 year old children play around in a shopping cart. And I know that's what they are thinking because if I weren't living in traumaland I too would be wondering: What the heck is WRONG with that woman? There are times when I want to stare back and then say: You have no idea what these kids have survived or what we are dealing with as a family.  Let me tell you that by letting them ride in a cart at the store I am helping to heal their trauma and hopefully give them a decent shot at a stable future. And you know - I get how easy it is to judge but really we need to lay off one another. 

And as much as I love having the weekends with the kids, I need a break so my Mom is watching them Saturday while I go to the doctor and Hubby gets caught up at work.  She's really looking forward to having them and that makes my heart happy.