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Showing posts from February, 2014

Waste of Time

In the months that we had no children living with us, I did not use my planner once. Not once. Any appointments I had we're easily put in my phone. Why? Because there were hardly any. One universal truth of foster care is that there are tons of appointments. 
Bio Mom Visits Bio Dad Visits (maybe more than one depending on if there are multiple children) Case Worker Visits CASA Worker Visits Administrative Case Review (ACR) Court Family Meetings  Training
Then you add services such as therapy (possible multiple kinds), school, and doctor visits (well child, dental, vision). And that's if no one is sick. Fortunately, we don't have to transport to everything (although I believe it's unacceptable to use transport to medical and therapy visits).  
Needless to say, I've been faithfully been carrying my MomAgenda everywhere again. (This is not a sponsored post. I love this planner and while the initial purchase might be pricey, the refills are reasonable.)
Our full schedule had been…

Tough Day

We had another tough day. It started with discovering that the kids had been putting poopy toilet paper in the garbage can instead of the toilet. Sadly, this is pretty common in foster care. Some families don't have good plumbing and this is how kids are taught. We have a dog that likes to dig in the garbage in the bathroom and I don't enjoy finding poop all over my carpet.
Willow met with the oldest girls and told them the visits with the former foster family would not be happening. The kids were sad and angry. Sarah cried and cried. Then she decided to battle us over 1/4 cup of spinach at dinner. She cried her eyes out for over 30 minutes. We stayed calm. We explained her choices. Eventually, she realized we weren't going to cave and she ate her spinach.
The tantrum had nothing to do with dinner. She was feeling the loss of people she loves. Add to that 2 weeks of no visit with Mom and another missed phone call and you can see why she had to let it all out. We just went ab…

Tough Day

We had another tough day. It started with discovering that the kids had been putting poopy toilet paper in the garbage can instead of the toilet. Sadly, this is pretty common in foster care. Some families don't have good plumbing and this is how kids are taught. We have a dog that likes to dig in the garbage in the bathroom and I don't enjoy finding poop all over my carpet.
Willow met with the oldest girls and told them the visits with the former foster family would not be happening. The kids were sad and angry. Sarah cried and cried. Then she decided to battle us over 1/4 cup of spinach at dinner. She cried her eyes out for over 30 minutes. We stayed calm. We explained her choices. Eventually, she realized we weren't going to cave and she ate her spinach.
The tantrum had nothing to do with dinner. She was feeling the loss of people she loves. Add to that 2 weeks of no visit with Mom and another missed phone call and you can see why she had to let it all out. We just went ab…

You Know It's a Bad Day When....

The only child who didn't cry at dinner is the 4 year old. Sarah cried the first time trying to explain why tomatoes made her mad at dinner. What I think she was trying to say was she was mad that Dad asked her to try the tomatoes. But she got stuck, dissociated, and then picked a new sad, mad, and glad for the day. Her mad then became that Simon was kicking her in the grocery store. So of course when we turned to look at him, he burst into tears. Terrified he was going to get into trouble. I mean, truly, this boy was terrified. We calmly explained that during Sad, Mad, Glad, we are only talking about feelings and that no one will get punished for someone else sharing (and in effect, tattling). Then Sarah took a bite of the mild, pickled jalapeño that she asked to try and burst into tears.
Her reason: she was scared that the jalapeño was too hot.
Full on flight or fight mode. Now, I've seen this child eat an entire bag of Hot Cheetos without so much as a sip of water. So I didn&…

Missing

The Quartet's Mom, Sheila, is struggling. She's missed 1/2  of her weekly phone calls and last week and this week she missed her visits. Her excuse was a new job that she started. 
Yes, yes, it's great that she is working. But she switched her work schedule to when her kids were visiting. I don't know if this was a choice in a new job or if she was fired from the last. I realize she has bills to pay but I'm getting inpatient with the fact that she doesn't seem to be taking responsibility for her actions.
Last week they actually confirmed her visit and then two hours later they called to cancel because "she has a new job". Huh? So over a week ago she knew her visits as scheduled weren't going to work but it wasn't until Wednesday that she tried to resolve. Of course there was no supervisor available and now they are waiting to try and find a new schedule for her. 
This annoys me. I get that visits are crucial. I understand I am not the priority an…

Sweet Dreams

I wish I could record the kids sleeping and share it. The snoring going on is hysterical. And they all wanted to share a bed! I decided to let them figure out sleeping arrangements. The way they paired up was interesting. 
MM and Simon of course were together. I heard MM say to Simon "I'm going to call you my brother from now on". I'm not sure if that was because he couldn't remember his name or if he really felt like he added a sibling!
Jelly Bean and Stella decided to share. I'm sure one of them is going to end up on the floor as Jelly Bean tends to move in her sleep. Sarah and Smiley begged Gabby to share the full size bed with them. I'm pretty sure she only agreed because that's the bed the dog sleeps on. I ended up waking her up and moving her to the top bunk that somehow ended up empty. LM took the top bunk in the boys room. I'm going to bet she asks to sleep on the couch tomorrow night.
So far everyone has been good. They had a nice time at th…

Three Ring

So the daycare had a Valentine's Day Dance for their families every year. We didn't get to go last year because of visits but had gone the year before. This year we are able to go and they invited the Fab Four to come as well! And since they were going to be out our way, they are spending the weekend with us. 
8 kids. So naturally I bought tickets to the circus. Maybe they will add us to the show!

Self Care

People often talk about Self Care. But what does that actually look like? 
My first go round as a foster mom I wasn't very good at it. And I paid for it and so did my kids. When you are giving and giving and giving its really hard to fill your tank back up to give more. My Mom offered to help, I didn't take her up on it. I had this idea that I had to be the June Cleaver of foster moms. And then we added the level of need of my kids to all that and I was totally spent. 
This time around I'm not making that mistake. For one, I'm taking the help people are offering. My neighbor baked a dish for me? Happy to take it off her hands. My Mom willing to take the kids Sunday night instead of Monday morning? I'll drop them off at 6:30pm! 
Two weekends ago I went up to the spa and spent a night with some girlfriends. I splurged on a facial and a pedicure. I had 24 hours of adult conversation. It was great. Last weekend Hubby and I had a grown up dinner in a romantic restaurant.  

New Challenges

It's been a while since we had full blown tantrums happening in our house and I forgot how exhausting they can be. Sarah and Smiley each had issues this week. Sarah because her burrito had tomatoes in it and Smiley because her mittens wouldn't go on her hands. 
Well okay, maybe it's not as simple as that. Sarah's tantrum was one of the first nights that Hubby had to handle pick up and dinner without me. I walked in from yoga no less, and found her screaming and him trying to de-escalate. iPad instantly back in te daily tantrums of Jelly Bean as the cadence of her cries are Rey similar. 
It's a primal sound because its fear based. She is not at a point where she can verbalize her fear or at the point where we can approach her. Both Hubby and I stayed within a few feet of her room as we tried to eat her unstuck. 
It ended with us telling her because she was still crying she must be tired and therefore needed to go to sleep. To which she answered with yelling and scream …