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Showing posts from February, 2015


The good news is our foster care license has been renewed for another four years and our new home passed inspection.  The licensing worker tried to get me to add another two beds for a total of six. 

Umm...that's a no. In fact, its a not on your life.

But what about the baby? If you want to take the baby I will have to come back out. 

You have to come back in 6 months anyway.  We'll just call it that visit.  (And the last time they extended our license for siblings no one came back out so I'm not really sure that was correct.) And I'm not getting all those phone calls.  I will only possibly take the sibling.  We haven't discussed it yet.

The bad news is we still do not have a trial date.  The status hearing that has been continued since October was re-set for April. 7 months since the goal change.  Additionally, Sheila wants to have their next monthly visit at an arcade which is 1 1/2 hours from our house.  That makes their visit a 7 hour ordeal.

For months I ha…

In A File

I imagine it was the feeling a Mother gets when they hand your baby to you immediately after giving birth. When Caseworker #3 handed me the six photos I instantly felt love and began crying. There in the picture was the baby face of my Stella. My one year old Stella with a bowl haircut and her classic smirk.
Behind it was a six month old Sarah. She had her angry face on. She was clearly not pleased to be doing whatever it was that moment captured.
The evidence labels, yellowed, are on the back. The photos were hole punched to affix them to the file folder. By some miracle, the eight year old photos were still attached and Caseworker #3 brought them for us to keep.
Then the tears turned to sadness that the only baby photo my kids have is from a file documenting their abuse. That 8 years later, the file is still their source of history. I known these photos are more than most kids in foster care get so I'm not complaining but I'm outraged for all kids in this situation.
What an amaz…

Baby Mine

I love my mother dearly. I am grateful for everything she has done to help us in our journey. She has been my rock many times and has filled in and picked up kids, took them to appointments, and got them organized when I had my hands full with something else. But she isn't always the best person to be my sounding board. She has a very hard time being neutral. And my Mother does not hold back her opinion. Ever. She doesn't do it to be mean or hurtful. I think she's really aiming for honest and open but it often feels judgemental and critical.

Over the years I've learned to consider her statements and then go with my gut even if she thought what I was doing was wrong.

When we first told her we were going to be foster parents she tried to talk us out of it. She relayed a horrific story about a friend of hers. We of course proceeded anyway and tonight she sat surrounded by her grandchildren that she truly adores.
My Mom has heard me cry on a number of occasions about my i…

They are just Happy

I don't know how to describe it other than, the kids just seem happier. The 1st day of school went really well. No tears at drop off. Excited chatter on the way home. They like their teachers, they made friends, and apparently the new daycare rocks.
Both Hubby and I noticed they just seem to be in a better place. No bedwetting, no tantrums at night. Everyone got up and got to school today with no issues. 
Even the dog seems happier.
Is it because we final have some space? We kept our promise that we were all moving? They got to pick out their paint colors? We have less of a commute?
Everything is still in boxes as we still have some work being done in the house but my kids seem, dare I say, relaxed. I have not heard a peep about missing anything or anyone. No fighting or whining.
I know it will be short lived but this has been a great week so far. (At least kidswise, I threw out my back and have a head cold so I could be better but that's how it goes.)
How is your week going?

A Very Hard Day

I knew the last day of school would be hard.  I planned it so that it was one hard day instead of a string of them.  We said goodbye to school. We said goodbye to the daycare teachers. We had our visit with Sheila and then we came home to the new house.

There were tears.  The finality of the new, empty house was a lot to take in after such a long emotional day.

But today Smiley, who had a death grip on my neck when I lifted her out of the transport car last night, has been chatty and excited.  She's all about the new house "we are going to live in forever".  Yes sweet pea. Forever.

Because your Mother is never moving again.

I have a feeling I'm going to be living out of a suitecase until March.

At least the chest pains have ceased.

Super Woman?

People ask me all the time how it is that I can work full time and mother four kids. I always joke that I don't sleep and run on Diet Coke. But that was a pretty accurate description of my day. I was at work until 11:30. I was so tired I asked Hubby if the kids got their homework done only to have him tell me today was a snow day. 19+ inches of snow in Chicagoland and I forgot about the snow day. 
I'll maybe get 5 hours of sleep tonight after I wind down and then get up and do it all over again tomorrow. I have a 6 pack of Diet Coke waiting under my desk at work...

Simon Why Are You Crying?

I had two kids totally out of sorts today. Smiley basically woke up crying and kept going until after lunch. Simon began the water works once we went over to the new house. The meltdown was over Stella being bossy and not listening but the tears were really about moving. Being in the new house and knowing we only have a week left at our old one was definitely hard for my kid with major anxiety. He began crying when we were leaving because "he just started to play". This is not like my normally happy go lucky kid.
Stella was also stressed and reverted to her parentified behavior of being bossy and not listening to Simon. We've worked hard in therapy to give Simon a voice with his family and every once in a while we take a step backward. 
I was also not having a stellar day. Last night I had a very really panic attack about the tile we ordered being switched to a different color and I was so worked up Hubby volunteered to drive us over to the house at 10:30pm at night. I'…