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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Case Worker Visit

We have a monthly visit with the case worker. Somehow this monthly commitment escaped our attention in Foster parent training. Luckily she is able to come in the early evening. She picks the kids up and then they let themselves in the house. I genuinely like our case worker. She's sweet. But she has no kids. And she is not married. And while I don't think these should be requirements for case workers I think it helps your understanding. As I quickly found out last year, having kids in your life changes everything. And MAYBE just MAYBE she would understand WHY her lack of communication is an issue. Perhaps she would understand WHY I point out Bio Mom's biggest parenting issues. If she is to be successful and therefore the kids are to be safe and continue healing she can't keep making the same mistakes.

Case in point: family therapy this week. Bio Mom's answer to Gabby's demand of how she can know Mom won't hit her ever again.

"Because I don't want to lose you. If I lose the four of you I will have no real family."

Which on the surface might seem like a good answer. That's how Gabby took it. My Mom wants me. My Mom wants our family.

What Mom failed to do with her answer was provide actual reasons Gabby should believe her. She failed to take responsibility. She only recognized that she will have the consequence of being alone. She made it all about her.

And apparently no one shared this response with the case worker as she looked shocked when I relayed the information.

I keep being told Mom will have to take responsibility for her actions before the kids can go home. Don't statements like the above continue to prove that she is unable to do just that? Grrrr

Then we had a conversation about visits. They were up to 5 hours on Saturday mornings. Now the kids have to be split in two. The suggestion was made tonight to have visits for 2 on Friday afternoon and Saturday mornings. Mom works third shift. The case worker actually pointed out that she's going to be tired on Saturday mornings as she will just be getting home from work and that it might be better to have the older two on Saturday because they would be easier to handle.

I'm sorry did I just hear that? We are concerned at 20 months because Mom might be too tired to see 2 of her children? After work? What the huh? What about 4 on a school night with homework? And Jelly Bean decides she didn't get enough attention and Little Mama decided to provoke her and Gabby decides to interrupt and Mr. Mohawk decides to wipe his chocolate cake hands all I've the wall. Because that's a typical Tuesday in this house. Actually, Tuesday we also have 2 therapists who come. If we are worried that at 2 years she can't handle Saturday mornings with 1/2 her children what are we doing here?

Banging.my.head.on.the.wall...

I guess it's unreasonable to expect that this should already have been a parenting skill that was learned. Of course she's going to be tired. She has four kids!

We didn't discuss my emails to her supervisor and I didn't get a copy of the case plan I've asked repeatedly for and mentioned in said emails. Nor did she ask us how we were doing or acknowledge her failure to notify us.

We did elude to the fact that since Mom lives 6 miles from us if we saw her or the Bio Dad that is not on the birth certificate in our neighborhood we would be calling the police.

Oh and Gabby's Bio Dad sent letters from jail. When it rains it pours!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my! And it's not like any behaviors you've been working on since the kids came in to care are going to magically go away. If anything they would ramp up incredibly after reunification. This case sounds like a train wreck. I can't say I'm surprised that after 20 months the kids are in care and the case plan is still reunification. But it's so sad when things seem obvious that Mom wouldn't be able to parent long-term.

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