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Showing posts from May, 2015

My Apologies!

I worked on a book submission for a book about foster care this weekend and I need to apologize.

My blog is in need of some serious spelling and grammar clean-up! I'm so sorry for the "promise to write about it later" posts and the errors!  I do a lot of blogging from my phone and I don't catch the errors.

Going back and re-reading a lot of the blog made me feel like a total idiot.  Thank you for continuing to read despite the errors.  One day I will get around to cleaning up, but going forward I will put more effort into better editing.

I don't know if my submission will be picked and in total disclosure, I missed the deadline so we will have to see what happens.  The book is by the same group that wrote Welcome to the Rollercoaster, and if you have not read this, you really should.  The book is by 14 foster mothers and each chapter shares a story about the children who have come into their homes.  If you found my blog, you likely found their blogs,…

Worn Out

I'm feeling really worn out today. It's been a tough week at work and we had a really rough night at therapy. Tapping into those feelings for the kids was like lighting the fuse on a powder keg. 
I really just didn't have the emotional energy to be super positive silly therapuetic Mom today. I sat and listened to my kids read me the book "Maybe Days" and I just got so angry and so sad. And then my kids flipped out in their own ways and it made for a long night.
Just want to be done. We all want to be done.

Everything Happens for a Reason

We purposely invited family over this weekend for the Holiday so we would get the house in order. We are still trying unpack and get the porches finished. I plan on being outside but those coming haven't seen our new house yet. (They will only see the main floor. I didn't get upstairs yet...) 
So I was doing dishes in the kitchen about 10:30 when Smiley comes running through the room. Literally. 
Smiley? What are you doing? 
She turned. She looked at me and the. She then started to do the pee pee dance. I ushered her into the hall bathroom and she was a few feet from the toilet and just started to pee right there in her pajamas.
I got her on the potty and she still had not said a word. She was soaked. And asleep. She prefers this bathroom for some reason and in her sleep she sleepwalked past the two upstairs.
I'm pretty sure she was still asleep while I bathed her as the pee went everywhere.
I guess there was a reason I hadn't washed the floor in the bathroom yet!

The Five Love Languages

When the Fab Four was going home I found my relationship with Hubby was in bad shape too. Neither of us was feeling very loved and so someone suggested I read the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.
I was blown away by how much sense it made. The theory behind the book is that there are five basic languages that people  understand in terms of feeling loved. 1)Acts of service 2) Words of affirmation 3)Quality time 4) Gift Giving 5)Physical Touch.
At the beginning of a relationship people do all five but as you get into the relationship and you get comfortable you tend to relax and only "speak" your primary and secondary love language. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that the other person feels love because they may not "speak" the same love language.
Hubby and I are opposites in a lot of ways. We work because we compliment  each other's strengths. At the same time we come at most things from complete opposite directi…

Short Lived

WARNING: This is not a bio parent or foster care positive post. If you don't feel like reading the honest truth about the emotional Rollercoaster that is foster care you might not want to keep reading.  
In all honesty, I'm really angry. I'm mostly mad at myself for falling for the manipulation that seemingly occurred today. I'm angry that the consequences of someone else's choice fall on me, and I'm angry that permanency is further away today than it was yesterday.
Last week Sheila asked us to come to the courthouse to support her signing the surrender paperwork. We made the 1 1/2 trek out there this morning only to discover that since bio dad (of Sarah and Simon) was not coming, Sheila was not willing to sign the surrender until they could sign it at the same time. 
I was pissed. I squandered 4 of my last 9 hours of vacation time only to learn that the TPR trial had been cancelled since the bios said they were going to sign and since the decided not to, the TPR …

Stolen Moments

I was able to steal nearly two hours to myself tonight. But Foster Mom R didn't you just go to California last week? Yes I did, but I was not alone and I worried constantly about my family and I ran a half marathon which doesn't exactly equate to relaxation. Tonight I was relaxed. I poured myself a glass of wine, got out my Kindle and read outside on the porch that Hubby just re-did while the fire pit glowed and the wind chimes jingled in the distance.
My mind was able to take a solid break from all of the things swirling. The grad school work, the million things that need to be fixed/put away/cleaned for the house, the family drama happening, the impending buy out of my company and the TPR trial next week.
The TPR trial triggers the next round of "stuff" that has to happen in order for us to officially adopt the kids.  The kids will have been in the phase between return home and adoption for 8 months, despite being in an adoptive home, and despite us signing the inten…


This was a long week. Some of it not bloggable. We have a lot going on in our household. We had the meeting with Sheila and she told us she intends to sign the identified surrender paperwork at next week's court date. Overall it was an ok meeting and a good first step towards building a relationship.

In Case You Were Wondering

I finished. I actually had a personal best and shaved 10 minutes off of my previous 1/2 Marathon time. I felt strong when I finished, despite a twisted ankle earlier in the week. I'm walking a little funny today and I can't wait to go to bed tonight. My watch said we ended up walking 23 miles in total yesterday- and additional 10 of walking to and from the race and then around Disneyland after. It was a really nice brain break, free of drama and while I'm not "recharged" I am ready to take on the TPR trial and meeting with Sheila.

I Left Town

It wasn't intentional. Maybe a happy accident. But I won't be home for Mother's Day. I'll be across the country. And in essence, Mother's Day won't happen and I'm perfectly okay with that.
I'd rather not be in the vortex of emotions. The guilt and the fear that come with a day soley focused on Moms because my kids have many. And since I'm the safe Mom, I get to do the heavy lifting. I end up aggravated and they feel bad and so it's better. They can have a fun day playing outside with Dad and no one has to focus on Moms. I have ZERO guilt about being elsewhere.
I'll be running 13.1 miles to complete the challenge I gave myself a year and half ago. I started running to control something. It was an outlet. I'll have run a 2nd Disney race, and earn a special medal. I'll be dressed as Wendy Darling for this Tinker Bell themed race. Fitting that I'll be running as the stand in Mom for the lost boys, don't you think?
For nearly 4 hours…