Skip to main content


Showing posts from February, 2011

Questions? Comments :(

Weekly I go to acupuncture and its kind of my time to decompress and explore my thoughts. Yesterday as I was laying there with a ton of diet coke coursing through my body it was a little harder than normal to relax. I could actually feel the needles vibrating back and forth which told me I was somewhat aggravated and I was having a hard time figuring it out. After a few minutes my kids came to mind and I realized one of the things bothering me was the comments I had received regarding the kids.

Now I welcome questions about foster care and adoption because I think its widely misunderstood. Heck that’s why I started a blog. So I usually tell people that they probably don’t have a question that I haven’t asked myself or heard someone else ask. But the comments are what bother me.

For instance – Oh those poor kids. You’re an Angel/Saint for taking them in like that. They are so lucky to have you.
I may even have been guilty of making a comment like this at one point. BUT now it makes …

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
Exhausted. Every fiber in my body is tired. And this migraine can take a hike anytime. No really anytime. Because I really need to be able to have my game face on. I have a 7 year old child who needs me to be consistent and calm and while I have the consistent part down the calm needs a little work. Ok a lot of work. See she’s pushing my buttons. She’s shared her deep dark secrets with me and I think she’s trying to see if that means I think she’s bad like she things she’s bad. And she isn’t. She is smart and beautiful and funny and caring and I love it when she giggles. But the giggling is less and less. And she’s amazingly brave. Oh my goodness is she brave. To go weekly to face her Mother who abused her and to try and figure out the conflicted feelings she has. It took me 28 years to express anger with my Mom and she never hit me. And I try to tell her but its as if she’s stuffed cotton in her ears. And the nightmares can take a hike too. Because seriously the 3…

Week 5

We’ve had a busy week. We survived an all day shopping trip to two malls and lunch at Rainforest CafĂ©. We had no less than 9 trips to the bathroom. Where I discovered that I believe there should be a code of some sort in restaurants aimed at kids that the stalls be big enough for both parent and child to fit in (or at least shut the door without the child’s head being in the toilet) and sinks not be either scalding hot or freezing cold. The kids did pretty well. A little trouble sharing the spotlight when trying on clothes and a certain 7 year old who decided she was going to have an attitude at lunch were the only issues. The kids had a great time shopping with my Mom and my Dad loved every minute of showing his Grandson the monkeys and apes.

Fast forward to Saturday night when Jelly Bean was going to bed and was asking about bad dreams and then revealed to me her abuse. She started with the sexual abuse that the 2nd foster father inflicted and then moved on to the physical abuse t…

Happy Valentine's Day!

We are beginning week 4 of our new family. We had a very busy weekend and had a little more sadness than we had previously. My 3 year old (Mr. Mohawk) was really missing his “really, real Mom” and his sisters. He would come to me with “Mama I miss my sisters” I’d give him a hug and he would go play. I’m starting to wonder if he has hit a new level developmentally and now understands more of the situation and is therefore confused by it.

He discovered Power Rangers Saturday and so that was cute watching him bounce around the house. He also noticed that the Beast from Beauty and the Beast also has a Mohawk and was very excited by this. We have been trying to watch all of the classic Disney films as we have a trip planned in the Spring and want the kids to be excited by all the characters.

My little Jelly Bean had kind of a rough day Sunday. She was really defiant at bedtime and although she is normally a snail in the dressing and undressing process she decided to race to the bath…

Confessions of a New Mommy

I had no idea that places had kids eat free nights.
Had no idea that I would escape to my bathroom for quiet.
Feel that Christmas lights left out of their storage place make perfectly acceptable night lights.
Had no clue that the 6 boxs of tissue that have been on my shelf for the last 2 years would be used in 2 weeks.
I miss my kids and sometimes feel like I have ADD when away from them.
Feel guilty that I get the hugs from them and not their "really real Mom".
Feel angry at their Mom for hurting them.
I am surprised that snotty tissues and bloody noses are no longer on my gross things list.

And my really big confession:
While one kid was in time out I sent the other to the bathroom so I could sneak a cupcake.

Feelings... nothing more than feelings.

Yesterday was our first DCFS Team Meeting for my kids' case. We were on a conference call with the therapists, the case worker, other foster parents, and their "really real" Mom.

Let me just say it started great then ended with me pretty steamed - and the therapist of my kids sisters. We shared first how we thought everything was going as our kids are the youngest. We talked about the feelings they have been having, how school was going, etc. We shared general stuff but enough to give the team a clue as to how the kids were coping with their 4th new house and visits now at Mom's house. Then the conversation turned to about their sister. And when the question was asked how they are progressing in therapy their therapist piped in with "I thought the foster parents were supposed to leave." Okay Jelly Bean and Mohawk's Mom and Dad we are done with you. You can leave now.

And as Jelly Bean would say WHAT?

Wait a minute. Thats fine that you don't need…

In the Mother 'Hood

Magically, Monday night I was able to pick up the kids from daycare and get home before 6:30 pm. I ran into our neighbor next door and gave him a heads up - If you see two random children running around they belong to us!

I ran in the house to find two children leaving wet, dirty boots on my wood floors and whining that the other wasn't doing what they were supposed to. I announced we were having spaghetti for dinner and got to work. As I was preparing the meal and the kids were running around with the dog and eachother I smiled at the change our life had taken. Then all Hell broke loose. Seriously it was like a scene from a vacation or spa commercial. The doorbell rang, the dog began barking the kids rushed to the door. I'm wondering outloud who could be at the door as we don't have a peep hole and our doorbell rings maybe 4 times a year unexpectedly excluding Halloween. (Plus its a really wierd door and it opens outward and to the left and hits the person standing on the…