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Showing posts from December, 2011

We made it....

Through Christmas. With no major tantrums or meltdowns. Through THREE DAYS of celebrations. To be honest it was the adults in my life I wanted to put in time out. Can I just say how much I love my mother? After all the support she gave me in the last month she spoiled these kids and THEN had them sleep over so my Hubby and I could have a night to ourselves. We opted for a movie at the theater and then another DVD at home.

I was surprised the kids didn't get sad about thier Mom. We had talked about it before And had given them the green light so to speak to let us know if they were feeling sad. Maybe it was distraction or maybe we will pay for it later but the kids and us had 4 days off from reality where we were this happy, adjusted family enjoying quality time together. We had lots of talk about "next year" and tradition from the kids. I hope we fulfilled thier wish of the best Christmas ever because it sure was mine (well second anyway to the Christmas my husband propo…

Really?

So JB came home Saturday. Sunday she struggled. Monday she got sent home from daycare. She spent the entire evening tantruming and at one point screamed at the top of her lungs while crying for 30 minutes straight and then fell asleep on the floor. Tuesday she was fine at daycare but fell to pieces at sibling therapy. Going as far as to call her sister an F*ing B*tch IN FRONT of the therapists.

We spent a great deal of time creating a support plan for the girls with the therapists. Since they were as much to blame for JB getting sent home as JB was. (Really? You cried every night your sister was in the hospital and slept in her bed and not 48 hours after she is out you exclude and mock her and kick her at day care. Really?) so they started thier sibling session late. At 9:45pm I finally got to eat some canned ravioli and by 10:00pm I was doubled over with severe abdominal pain. As I'm vomitting in my bathroom I hear the girls come upstairs and JB start to throw a full blown temper …

Amazing Educators

Tonight was visiting hour for JB. Her teacher, principal, ESL teacher, reading teacher, and school social worker all came with. Bringing her books and Teddy bears. Can I just say how impressed I am with these people who truly care about this kid.

They gave up their Wednesday evening to spend an hour with my kid in a mental health hospital. They brought cards and notes from students and other teachers. They even checked on me. I have friends who are teachers like this but I had never run across them in a school setting. Sure I think she's special but I'm her "mom". They are worried and concerned and I'm so glad they care because transitioning her back in to school is going to be so much easier knowing they will support her.

So not prepared

If they go home I'm going to need a serious time out- from life. Having JB gone just 6 days and I'm so sad. I catch myself starting to imagine what that would be like times 4 and without the phone calls.

She called me yesterday about an hour before we were to see her at family therapy. "Thats too long Mama." I know it is honey I know.

Family therapy was a lot of background. We scheduled a session with her sisters for Saturday. Well see if she's still there.

My heart hurts. But the duty of Mom never ceases as I'm home with Mr. Mohawk who has a fever and a stomach bug and was kind enough to share the bug with me.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Jelly Bean has been struggling for the last few weeks. I really feel this is due to an increase in time spent with her Mom. Her medication that was working wonders seemingly stopped working. And the meltdowns and tantrums began to become frequent Agian. Last weekend she made a statement about wishing she was dead. We got her calmed down and Monday she seemed fine. Tuesday the attitude returned and she threw a tantrum because she was afraid she wasn't going to see her therapist because I was talking to her. Wednesday I got a phone call from the principal that she bit a kid during reading class.

That night I was taking Gabby to see the psychiatrist to be evaluated for anxiety. It's the same doctor so I asked if JB could be seen since she was struggling. The doctor asked her if she felt like hurting anyone and she said herself. The doctor asked her how and she said a knife. And with that a call was made to the hospital next door and we were sent.

We saw two admissions evaluators …

Things going through my mind

I'm writing this post to hope Murphy's Law will work and the judge will call us in to the permanency hearing. I'm sharing a couch with my kids Mother after a really really crappy week. I was just going to write the thoughts popping into my rapidly firing brain. Then I thought well maybe I can use this time to learn some more of the kids history.

So I asked and she answered. And for a few minutes we were Moms sharing stories. Until we realized we were sharing stories about the same kids. I tried really hard to be kind. To nod when she was making comments while my brain was screaming SHE DOESN'T GET IT. I felt empathy as she shared some of her background. But that doesn't mean I'm going to just roll over and stop protecting these kids. I did bite my tounge when I could have said they are terrified of you. But it took a lot to do so.

Then we got called in. And the judge commended us on working together. She told us that she kept the boxes the girls decorated to bri…

Yeah so I spoke too soon....

As if this week isn't going to be hard enough (administrative care review, family meeting with therapists, holiday concert, prep for testifying for LM, actual testifying for LM, remembering their uncle who was murdered, permanency hearing, and liscense worker visit oh yeah and our annual wine party for which I got nothing accomplished this weekend.) Jelly bean raged all day. Gabby raged for part of the day. I'm exhausted. The screaming and yelling and crying. The possessions that were confiscated are now sitting in my room. The new pair of jeans Jelly bean wrote all over are somewhere in her room. was assigned writing sentences and it took her all afternoon. She then threw a fit right before dinner and when she was finished eating was sent straight to bed.
I have no idea why today was such an issue. Too much family? Bad visit? Fear about the holiday concert tomorrow?

The other one? She was dealing with seeing Molly yeaterday. She ripped up her class picture and threw away a por…

Yeah so I spoke too soon....

As if this week isn't going to be hard enough (administrative care review, family meeting with therapists, holiday concert, prep for testifying for LM, actual testifying for LM, remembering their uncle who was murdered, permanency hearing, and liscense worker visit oh yeah and our annual wine party for which I got nothing accomplished this weekend.) Jelly bean raged all day. Gabby raged for part of the day. I'm exhausted. The screaming and yelling and crying. The possessions that were confiscated are now sitting in my room. The new pair of jeans Jelly bean wrote all over are somewhere in her room. was assigned writing sentences and it took her all afternoon. She then threw a fit right before dinner and when she was finished eating was sent straight to bed.
I have no idea why today was such an issue. Too much family? Bad visit? Fear about the holiday concert tomorrow?

The other one? She was dealing with seeing Molly yeaterday. She ripped up her class picture and threw away a por…

How far we have come

So I couldn't sleep tonight. I hade a Diet Coke at 11:00pm and well that was a silly thing to do after a 4pm nap. I'm sure I'll pay for it later. In my continued quest to build up my readership, traffic, and ego I was checking out my stats and noticed that this post is the most often viewed. Reading it now nearly 8 months later I can't believe how far we've come. We barely survived that trip to Disney world but we are wiser now and are actually trying to plan another trip in June. Of course now our plans are dependant on where their caseplan heads. We have hit our groove of a family of six and I've almost gotten used to what that equates to in the amount of groceries and laundry. Almost. I no longer have a panic attack when going to Costco. And while the first few months were rocky the kids have gotten over the shock of living together once agian and actually giggle together at times instead of constant fighting and yelling. I don't regret my decision to sa…

You let me say all those mean things?

Last weekend we got together with Jelly Bean and Mr. Mohawk's 3rd foster family. We've seen them twice since LM and Gabby moved in. This was hard on them as they didn't understand why their first foster Mom (we'll call her Molly) had not made an effort to visit them. Well she had, but then cancelled last minute something she apparently did a lot. The girls also reported that she lied a lot skipping trauma therapy appointments telling the therapist they has ballet when they stayed home.

So after we met the 3rd family and had a great time at a moon bounce place and pizza pub Gabby had a little rant. She had been working up to it all day. My little actress who looks a lot like Tinkerbell when she scrunches up her nose was ready for her dramatic monologue which went something like this:

I bet Molly doesn't even care about us. I bet she never did. Why did we have to live with he anyway. I bet she forgot about us and hopes that we forgot about her. She lied all the time. …