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Showing posts from August, 2013

Classifieds for Placements

I got a call this evening from a case worker looking to place a 5 and 8 year old brother set. Again probably not what we were looking for (kids removed because Mom failed to adequately supervise them) and we are busy for the long weekend. But she picked me out of the list because she lives in my neighborhood. (Easy monthly visits and initial drop off.)
Which got me thinking about how much I wished I could post a foster parent classified: Committed, Experienced foster family seeking sibling set of up to 4, age range 4-10ish. Will accept Hispanic, English speaking children. Hoping for long term potential adoption placement. beat time to call 3pm. Available after 9/2. At County Line and State Line roads.
I realize there is some pleading and guilt tripping required but if we started this way wouldn't the matching process be a little more efficient and perhaps cause less disruptions? 
I said no but told her if she had a similar placement next week to put me at the top of her list.

So how'd it go?

I realized today that I didn't blog about the Fab Four's visit. In short, it went well.
It was funny to listen to Mr. Mohawk discover that his room had been completely cleared out. His exact words when he went upstairs were:
Whoa! Hey guys, you gotta come check this out!
None of them took the changes poorly. Which was good. We hung out. We went to my Mom's house and saw family and then Sunday went to the movies. Aside from a sugar crash/worn out episode with Jelly Bean and a mystery item that was found in the grocery cart there were no issues. 
We returned them to their Mom's with no tears and everyone happy.
I'm so grateful that we have worked to get to this place of mutual respect and extended family. For once, it's the best case scenario and I couldn't be happier about it.
I also got the test results back from the doctor. The doctor did confirm that I have a medical issue and referred me to a specialist. While I was bummed about the diagnosis, it also confirme…

Sibling Calls

Anonymous asked: How old were the kids and commented that we get a lot of Sibling Group calls.
The kids were 9,12 and 13. Which was out of the range we are looking to be placed with but it sounded very temporary. 
We have four open beds on our license. And can have up to 3 kids in the one room and though not ideal, we could put another in the loft if we had to. 
My understanding is that not a lot of foster homes can take more than 2 kids at a time in our area. We are only one of two foster homes in our town. 
We firmly believe kids should be kept together if possible and so we are willing to take a group of kids. A child with siblings in care in our state is considered special needs simply because those kids are harder to place together. I would hate to take one child in and then have a sibling group placed separate. That would break my heart.
That being said though, it's been suggested we take two sets of kids to increase our chances of being able to adopt. And while I understand that…

4:15 AM

These all hour placement calls really bother me. And while I was annoyed that my cell phone was buzzing at 4:15 AM, I was more worried about the three kids sitting in an office somewhere that needed a home. Neither of us could take today off of work. (My Mom was already coming to wait for the delivery people for our new bed. No way I could surprise her with watching three kids as well!)
I laid awake for a good 40 minutes wondering about the kids. Praying for their Mom who was in the hospital.

There has got to be a better system than going down a list of people. Like a text alert or email blast (similar to the school district) with a link to check if the kids had been placed. And 4:15? I would imagine waiting two hours until 6:00 when some people would be getting up for work or to get kids off to school would have been more effective. 
One of these days the phone will ring and it will be a placement we can take.

This is what other Mom's Blog about?

Since stumbling into Foster Care Land three years ago, I've been plugged into the Blog-o-sphere. I had dabbled in Blogs at the suggestion of a friend while going through an illness. I didn't find many blogs devoted to my condition and I manage an update on that blog maybe once a year. (Sadly...)

When I began this journey into researching adoption and adoption through foster care, I pretty much stopped reading blogs that didn't pertain to some facet of the adoption triangle. 
The other day a friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to Mommy Blog. Ya know, a blog written by a Mom. That's it. Not Trauma Mom or Adoptive Mom or Foster Mom or First Mom. Just a Mom. With good advice about focusing on the important things. And as I read I thought, huh? What would life be like just being a Mom, no additional title. Would I have a blog? Would I have enough interesting things to say as a Mom without a Pre-Fix? I concluded- probably not!
I've not written very much about ferti…


As I was making dinner tonight for Hubby and I, it dawned on me that today felt normal. Like how it felt before we became foster parents. That somehow in all the stress and loss and sadness we managed to find us again. Perhaps a better version of us, but  us. A couple who loves each other. Who quip with silly one liners simply to make the other person laugh. Us who have clearly divided chores that the other appreciates. Us that have grown together in the past 12 years to adults who can communicate and compromise.
Today did not feel sad or empty. In fact, the only trace of the past two years and the kids was us getting in the minivan to go to a BBQ. And on the drive home we had a great "check in" conversation about how we are feeling about some decisions we will need to make. 
I guess I wanted to put it out into the universe how grateful I am for my husband. And how much I love that he does laundry and dishes but pretends not to know where the Tupperware is kept. And how hard h…

Friday Night Visit

I took LM shopping for her birthday last night. There was a misunderstanding and I think I let her down because she didn't get to spend the weekend with us. She did manage to thank me several times and I think she enjoyed the one on one time. As did I. 
When I arrived at their house JB was in the middle of a tantrum. She instantly tried to get me to see things her way and complained loudly that her Mom was ignoring her. When I told her her Mom was doing the right thing she tried to escalate the tantrum.
Somehow, my magical meltdown powers were still intact and after a few minutes she calmed down. She tried 1) you are not my mother (to which I replied, "Correct but I am an adult and you will be respectful to me.") 2) My Mom doesn't want me to learn about God ("You can't learn about God while you are crying") 3) No one listens to me ("I'd be happy to listen and help you talk with your Mom when I come back but I have some rules. 1- this mess you mad…

A Birthday

This week was LM's birthday. I called and spoke to her and she seemed to give me attitude. I have to admit I was disappointed at her lack of enthusiasm for our conversation. Maybe it's as because she is a teen now, maybe she was worried about what her birthday would be like at her Mom's. whatever it was, it made me frustrated and sad.
I saw a picture of her with balloons on her Mom's Facebook with a very nice message. I'm glad she made it special. 
I'm trying hard not to feel left out of the festivities especially since we were included for MM's. We were busy this weekend anyway. I imagine its hard to have the reminder that we existed. Maybe it was even her choice to not include us. Heck it's stressful on us as it brings up some hard feelings for me. I tend to read into things so maybe it was a simple oversight. Whatever the case I hope that LM felt special and loved.

The Friend Request I Never Thought I Would Accept

In researching foster care I came across a lot of discussion about biological families and Facebook. It seemed to be both a blessing and a curse. A great way to share information and keep a connection but also a major source of drama and inappropriate boundaries.

Lots of people set up private Facebook groups just for their particular situation. A way to securely share photos and monitor exchange of information. Some had great relationships that led to co-parenting and continuity for the kids.

I thought these people were crazy. How could you get to a place of such giving when the system puts you on opposing sides?

While I was often frustrated and angry at the things the Fab Four's Mom, Maria, did, I learned to move on and did the unthinkable - accepted her friend request on Facebook.

I genuinely count her as a friend. She has been gracious in allowing me to see her kids and I want to make sure they succeed. I also don't want to lose them in the world and since we have no com…