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Showing posts from January, 2016

Do You Call Her Your Daughter?

One of my colleagues inquired about how Solana was feeling after being sick last week. She couldn't remember her name and then said, "I don't know how to refer to her. Is she your daughter? Do you call her your daughter?"
It's been a while since someone asked me this kind of question. Interestingly, I've  not really self identified as a "foster" mom for a while. I mean, I introduce myself as a foster mom. I offer foster mom advice. I advocate for kids in care and educate about trauma. But somewhere over the last six months I've lost the "foster" mom identity in the way I think about myself in relationship to the kids. And this question caught me off guard.
These are my kids- and no one questions it. They answer to a name I gave them. They call me Mom. They list my family members as their family members and no one questions us. We are far more likely to be approached with compliments vs questions when we are out in public. 
Maybe it's …

Triggered By a Master's Degree

I've mentioned before that I'm in Grad School.  I'm working on a masters in Health Care Law.  (Not to brag but I have a 4.0 at law school. I think my undergraduate GPA was like a 2.7 and not because I was out partying either.  Its not a fake island based law school either.  Its a well known brick and mortar Catholic university with a campus and dorms and everything. (I will admit I picked this one because I can actually walk graduation in cap and gown and ceremony like that is important to me.))

My program is on-line and so I have yet to actually go to campus. We have a fancy cloud based classroom where teachers give live lecture and all of your homework is on-line.  I'm not going to lie.  This whole working mother thing has made juggling all of this very hard at times and tonight I had class and then was able to get everyone in bed in time for me to sit down and do some of my reading.

I had to read the following Supreme Court case from 1989 ( I give you my two second…


I've long held the believe that it wouldn't be possible for me to love a child I birthed more than a child I adopted. Or even fostered. I've been chewing on that idea for a week now. Considering the feelings that are tied up in the Fab Four and then my kids, and now Solana, my head is in a really weird place.
I rock this 15 lb ball of smiles who holds her own bottle and reaches for me when I enter a room and I wonder at how quickly you can fall in love. And then I feel guilty that my feelings for Simon, Smiley, Sarah and Stella didn't develop as quickly. Even though now, I feel them just as strongly. I had an interesting discussion with a co-worker who just came back from maternity leave and she talked about how her bond with her new baby was slower than it was with her first child. (Why don't women talk about this?)

I'm asked pretty frequently by friends how I feel now that we are adopting.  Given Jelly Bean's extreme behavior and mental health issues the re…

Dear Well Meaning Staff Member

Dear Well Meaning Staff Member,
I am so very glad you are there to look after my kiddos during the lunch hour. Their teachers need the break and so do the kids. I am also glad you know my children well enough to know that they have siblings in the same school. However, next time you think one of my children doesn't have on a warm enough coat, please come to me. Or her teacher, or the principal. Whatever you do, please don't ask her sister if she has a warm enough coat.
Since you are paying attention you probably know that they receive the free lunch program. So maybe you assumed that we were needy, which would explain why you thought the coat you deemed inappropriate for today's mild weather might be her only one. My children receive the free lunch because they are in foster care and under the state and federal programs they are entitled to this benefit. The same as they are entitled to medical care.
Not that I owe anyone an explanation about why my kids take advantage of som…

Fab Four

At the beginning of December I stumbled across a fabulous coat sale at Macy's So I bought my kiddos coats and also some for the Fab Four as well. I haven't seen them since July but we have Facebooked and texted here and there. So I totally guessed at the sizes. 
The weekend I had planned to give them the coats we were supposed to go to the indoor Waterpark with them. Then Solana came, all of us were sick and it just seemed to hard to make it happen. So the coats sat here because the Fab Four live an 1 1/2 away now and it's too hard to get out there with 5 kids and all the other stuff we have going on. 
We had had a pretty mild winter so far but the temps in Chicago dropped way down this weekend and I wanted to get the coats to the kids. Hubby volunteered to bring them out there and we face timed for a good 20 minutes. 
Jelly Bean and Gabby had the most to say. I actually haven't seen Jelly Bean since June and she has hit puberty which was a little shocking for me. She is …