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Showing posts from March, 2015

Lucky 7

We spent all of 4 minutes on the impending baby. I really thought Stella would take the news of the baby quite hard.
I was 180 degrees wrong.
She literally jumped out of her seat with joy and enthusiasm. 
Yippee! Does that mean the baby will come live with us?
That's not the plan. The plan is the baby will live somewhere else.
Is that because a baby might be a lot of work? When will the baby be born? Is it a girl? Is my mom's belly really big? Will we get to see the baby? Oh yeah! 7 kids in my family!
I'm not even sure how to wrap my head around the excitement and joy she had. I am really worried that she is going to grieve hard when she realizes that this baby really isn't going to be in her life. 
Simon kept saying "maybe it's twins".
Sarah had a few questions and shortly after had a mini meltdown over something else.
Smiley had no reaction but I suspect she was jealous.


So we told Caseworker#3 that we would not be taking the baby if asked. She commended us for our honesty. She praised our solid reasoning and applauded us for not being selfish and taking on more than we can handle because it's a baby. It made me feel better and I'm sooo glad that she didn't try to make us feel guilty. The CASA worker even validated my anger and said how wrong it was for is to even have to be thinking about a baby and how unfair it was.
Bio Mom has been given a more intensive domestic violence program to work. It sounds like the plan would be to place the baby in a traditional foster care placement. (And no one believes she will successfully complete her case plan.) We can't, at this point, take that risk and sign up for that. (The baby gets visits but you don't..and the baby in a car for over an hour? Um I'll pass thanks.) What would happen to my kids if their sibling got to go home and they couldn't? And the loss of a sibling after living w…

Filed Under Stupid $#%+ People Say

We were out to dinner as a family this week and we had one of those incidents where a stranger said something incredibly stupid in front of my kids.
We are all guilty of this. A phrase, opinion, stereotype, example that has become so ingrained as no big deal that out of our mouth it goes and no one really bats an eye unless of course they are somehow connected to said thought.
As adults we learn to ignore other people's insensitive statements. We agree to disagree when beliefs are opposing. But how do you handle when your kids are watching? And the statement might affect them? And you have a family member who is also witness to said conversation?
Well right or wrong here is what I did:
The waitress was trying to be friendly. Having no idea that I was a foster mom or that I had parented kids from hard places she shared that she was also a proud Mama to a son, now in college, who had spent time in a behavioral school. We commented on how busy she was at the restaurant and she said:

It's Not My Problem

Those were the words spoken by Hubby in regards to Sheila's pregnancy. And he's right. This was her choice. Not ours. Only in an tangential way is this our problem. In that my kids will have another loss and another sibling out in the world.
I know of at least 3 other siblings that they have and I suspect there are more. I'm not sad or concerned about taking them. Why is this sibling different?
I spent some time mulling that question over. And the only answer is that it's a baby. And that stirred up all of my feelings and emotions about being unable to have a pregnancy. Not necessarily being the Mom to an infant but rather having the whole experience from start to finish. It was grief I thought I was done with. And it hit me rather unexpectedly. But it doesn't define my ability to be a mother. 
I'm already a Mom. In every sense of the word. I have piles of laundry, a sink full of dishes, and a project on Beethoven to supervise that say I'm a Mom to four amazin…

Permanency Hearing

We had a permanency hearing today. The goal remained Termination Pending Determination of Termination of Parental Rights. The judges found no reasonable progress or effort on all of the parents. 
Sheila's attorney tried to make a play at admitting evidence that she was making progress by attending a few therapy sessions (in the last 3 weeks) and keeping suitable housing.
The judge pointed out that she was pregnant as a result of an abusive relationship and that it was clear that whatever services she had completed clearly hadn't set in.
Everything went as expected (bio Dad was a no show but his attorney was there) but it left me angry and frustrated. We should be done.
I want to be done.
The kids deserve to be done.
I was assured that the TPR trial will be  scheduled at the hearing next month and that it should go quick from there.
I'm not holding my breath.

Seeing Red

After 8 hours of studying I came home to melted red crayon all over my dryer.  Its just as well.  Everything else in this house is just a little broken so the dryer might as well join the list.

Just a little broken? Yep.  Like the mirror in the bathroom hung about 2 inches below the top of my head.  Light switches on the outside of a room. You know enough to drive you crazy but not noticeable enough when you bought the house.  We got so frustrated with the door to our bathroom we just took it off the frame.

I love this house and we are so happy here but I am over the fix it list that gets additions on a daily basis.  I always knew this was a great house and it just needed a little love.  I intended to write this post by drawing the parallel to foster care but you know what? I'm too tired.

So while I was sorting the melted crayon spotted clothes from the ones that escaped the meltdown (Oh 'cmon, it was funny), I was giggling at all of the stuff that gets thrown at you as a Mom…

Dear Sheila

Dear Sheila,
I'm writing this post because my heart is full and I need a place to put it. I can never tell you any of the things I am about to write because they wouldn't be appropriate. That's how this whole foster mom thing works. Everyone else gets to do whatever they feel or want and I have to sit by and watch with my mouth shut only opening it occasionally to express carefully phrased statements mean not to  rock the proverbial and precarious boat.
As I sit tonight helping our son with his report on monkeys I was sad. Sad that you missed out on such a special moment. You wouldn't have known that his handwriting has improved a ton. Or watched his toothless grin creep up as he decided that monkeys eating bugs is funny. You also would have missed the meltdown when I discovered that he hid the assignment from me. So afraid to disappoint it's easier to disappear. So worried I will not have time that he just assumes he has to do this 1st grade project on his own. That…

Birthday Parties Are Hard

Sarah was invited to a birthday party this past weekend. I RSVPd yes because I'd love to see her make friends but if I'm being honest, I hate going to these things. 
Turns out my kid does too.
1) I don't know the other parents. Sure it would be a good way to meet the other parents but that's only if they are friendly. 
2) We don't really know the kids. It was the majority of her class but she really didn't have a group. There is a little girl who she was paired with the first week as her buddy who happens to share her last name. She tried to get Sarah to join in but Sarah was glued to my side.
3) I had to stay at the party. I have a billion things to get done but I knew this wasn't something I could drop her off for. 
I'm glad I stayed because I practically had to I peel her 8 year old self off my lap. She cried when I told her refusing the glow stick was rude. 
That's a hard thing- trauma parenting to kids' comfort while also teaching them things lik…