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Showing posts from July, 2015

Fab Four Update

So I mentioned on Facebook that Maria contacted me last week for help with the Fab Four. Jelly Bean was hospitalized for sneaking out and threatening to kill Maria. I imagine there were further statements about harm that caused them to actually admit her as an inpatient. My medical Spanish is spotty.  Meanwhile Gabby and LM took that opportunity to invite boys over to the house and leave without telling Maria where they were going. 
She was at a loss. We had already asked the girls to help us with the party so they came a night early. Hubby went to get them and found boys in the house when he arrived at 9:45PM and Maria had left for work. (Mr. Mohawk was at a babysitters house.) 
Hubby has a really loud, deep voice when he yells and he yelled at the boys to get the Hell out of the house. He was MAD. Which shows how much he still loves the girls. (Big softie that he is.) I'm sure he embarrassed them and that the hour drive to our house was unpleasant.
He took LM and I took Gabby to sp…

Our State is Broke

I don't where you readers are from and I operate under the assumption that foster care sucks pretty much EVERYWHERE but I was pondering the recent communication we got from our DCFS head guy (appointed by our new governor and recruited from Florida where he did amazing things or so I'm told). The letter went something like this:
Dear Foster Peeps,
Good news I was able to get the state government to approve your payments, even though we aren't paying anyone else money we owe, aren't I amazing?
Or something to that effect....
And then I got angry. Because my tax dollars are paying for so much nonsense in foster care. 10 months the goal has been pending TPR. The kids have had an adoptive home and a signed intent to adopt form for 18 months. So during all those months we've been paying the therapists to work with the kids to manage their emotions while they wait. We've prolonged the needed therapy an additional 10 months, really just trying to manage their anxiety over…


I had 30 people gathered in my dining room starting to sing Happy Birthday for Stella. Instead of happiness, I felt sadness. I felt the loss of their 1st birthdays with us and at the same moment, I realized this would likely be the last time they heard their birth names in the song.
I pushed past the thoughts quickly and shoved them down to deal with later.  We had three more rounds of Happy Birthday to get through.
We hosted an Alice in Wonderland Un-Birthday themed combined birthday party but I got each of them, their own cake. The kids did fairly well with so many people. They knew all of the people and we're excited to see some of their teachers from their previous daycare.

Stella was so excited from the day she couldn't sleep. She wanted everyone to come back the next day. It was truly the first time anyone had kept their promise to stay in touch with her. She thanked me several times for the party.
I had hoped that this would be an adoption party but you know, foster care ha…

I Am Not A Cabbage

We met this week with the therapy team. They had a conference call with Sheila to discuss what the kids need to hear at their last planned visit in order to be able to continue to fully attach to our family.  
I am glad they had the call but it left me more frustrated. It was further confirmation that she is not capable of having the type of relationship I so badly wanted for my kids. I know, I know, if she was we wouldn't be at this point. But it hurts my heart.
The therapists also believe that this will be an instance where the bio parent will need the state to take the action to fulfill the victim role (they took my kids). It didn't seem that she fully understands that the trial will happen if she doesn't sign and that there will be not any more delays. After hearing some of the statements she made Hubby and I will not be surprised if she no shows to court. (She has the excuse of just giving birth.)
She is concerned about losing her relationship with Stella but she doesn&#…


So out of the blue Sheila started texting me yesterday. At first it was about the letter of questions the kids had written and could I mail it to her? Sure. Then I asked if she could follow through with meeting with their therapists as she had agreed. Her answer to that was basically to blame everyone else. So I sought permission pass on her number (she claimed she called and their mailbox was full) and she agreed. Then she said she wanted another meeting with us, with the therapists to discuss the adoption as she had more questions. I said court is in three weeks, your are having a baby somewhere in there and I don't think we'll have time to have it before court but we could meet after. I then told her we will also need to learn to communicate on our own and asked her what questions remained.
I got the following messages back:
Sheila: Yes I just felt like four emails and four phone calls was not enough communication for the kids and last visit Stella was very nervous about not …


I feel a little stronger today. I know the therapists are working on protecting the kids and so is the CASA. It seems the supervisor can't get ahold of Bio Mom which is an issue for her. At the very least everyone has agreed that they won't go past the original date we agreed on for the visit. And the kids' attorney is going to try and get court orders in place to ensure our request about the supervision of the last visit and not requiring sibling visitation be put in place. 
And to a degree it sounds like the department is too. 
As long as I'm not the only one fighting the battle, I feel a little bit better. Less weary about the next few weeks. If I've done all I can, worrying won't change anything. And in the end, we will overcome whatever gets thrown out way because we have no other choice.
Meanwhile, I've got a kid with strep, an impending acquisition of my company and my school term to finish. I feel like if I can just make it to September, I'll be fi…

Keep It Coming

So the therapists suggested Mom have the visit prior to the birth. I called the Supervisor because Caseworker #3 is apparently on vacation (was not aware). They were going to check with Bio Mom to do it this weekend which logistically has like a 2% chance of happening. She heard my concerns. I mentioned my sibling visit letter and she towed the policy line about sibling visits being law...but that they would take all of our supporting information into consideration with the team that makes those decisions. I pointed out that it seemed convenient to reference one policy given that the policy about expedited termination was being ignored and she of course blamed the lawyers. 
Then she totally rocked my world. They may combine the case of the baby with my kiddos' case. Again up to the State's Attorney but it sounded like the department may try to keep the case in the same county my kids are in (baby will be born several counties away) since the judge has all of the history…

If I'm Being Honest

Warning: This is a really honest post.  I fully acknowledge that towards the end of cases things get way harder for everyone.  It also gets harder to keep the rational part of my brain the loudest voice in my head.  This is not a "rah rah" post for blended families.  This is not a positive post about biological mothers.  This is my honest to goodness reaction. Its a way for me to attempt to let go of the feelings.  A place to put them so others understand if they have felt the same way.  I may change my mind later about how I feel, they are my emotions and I am allowed to feel them.  I' always telling my kids to let it out, I need to follow my own advice.

I love the feedback and honest reactions from readers - that being said please no flaming.  I'm sharing honestly so others can see how this path can feel at times.

We received a request today to move the "last scheduled visit" to a week later.  The request came from Bio Mom for her to "heal…

I just searched...

"overwhelmed Mom" on Pinterest. There was a "12 resources" link and I had already tried #s 1-10. 11 and 12 were actually a plug for a headache medication..... and I'm beyond popping some OTC stuff and becoming a new person.

Smiley actually asked me at dinner tonight, "Mom are you sick?".

Because I didn't go to work or because its clear I'm not really speaking to Dad?

OK. I only said the work part.  And I didn't go to work today because I took a day off to do homework.

The highlight of my day? Being able to wear an oversized sweatshirt in July...

Taking a vacation day to listen to lectures where the professor actually yawns while she is talking just sucks....

But when life hands you lemons...go to Starbucks and get a fancy lemonade.

Inside Out

We saw Inside Out tonight. I had read a few reviews of the movie and at least one that was foster care related. I knew it might be triggering but all of the reviews said the movie did a nice job of laying out how your emotions interact with your brain.
Since we've been dealing with a lot of "big feelings" as we refer to them, we felt this would help the kids understand their emotions better.
Plus, we are huge Disney nerds so it's a pretty safe bet that we'll be seeing the latest Disney/Pixar flick. 
Warning: Plot info The major event of the movie was that the main character, Riley, moves cross country. Her emotions: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Disgust in the central command center are in charge of her daily interactions and responsible for her memories (which look like marbles). The memories are stored during sleep and some form Core Memories which form her personality made up of Islands of experiences.  ********* The moving piece reflected the loss my kids have bee…

Today's Trigger Brought To You By Mangos

I spent a lot of time this weekend rocking my children. It's a little more difficult to do when they are 10 years old but that's what trauma looks like.  Today's trigger was a mango.  Like the fruit.  It reminded one of a former foster home and all of the loss came crashing down around her.  Then the other one felt the loss and it all came crashing down on her.  It was a repeat of a few days earlier, post visit with Sheila. The letter with the questions was left behind and hat caused upset. Then Smiley and Simon decided to scratch and spit on each other in the car on the way home from the visit.  (They spend an hour driving each way.) So they went to bed crying while the other two cried about the letter and the loss of their Mom.  Stella was also upset about the baby clothes that she saw in the closet. Complex feelings for kids all under the age of 10. 

We went over again the reasons the kids are being adopted, "Remember how we discussed your Mom's problems with…

No Pain

I was feeling no pain this morning. Largely due to the gobs of anxiety medication I took yesterday and the pills the doctor prescribed. In fact, I was downright chilled out. It still wasn't enough to get me into the special MRI so they needed up putting me in one slightly less powerful but with a bigger opening and I was able to handle that just fine. (I can't do open MRI because they are scanning my brain.)
So I had a full 45 minutes to lay still and think while the machine clicked and pounded and vibrated. 
The first few minutes I though of Sarah and the noises. We'd have to knock her out for something like this. Then I thought of Stella and all the questions she would ask.
I thought of my conversation with the doctor that morning when she asked me if I was foster parenting little babies. I answered No but in my head I thought- not yet. And then the fact that I was lying in the MRI with pain brought me back to a conversation with my Grandma. One of the last lucid conversati…

It's Baaackk

I took a really important step today and scheduled an appointment for myself with a new therapist. One of the joys of moving is assembling your people-dry cleaners, pizza place, doctors, so that they are close to you. My hair stylist is actually already close as I've been going to her for 16 years and I've traveled to see her. So I'm set there. My therapist is over 45 minutes away and I need one that's closer.*******I woke up today feeling like the left side of my face was on fire. And I knew deep down, that I will no longer be able to pretend I don't have a chronic illness. One sided face pain is generally a bad sign. So I called the neurologist and got orders for a dreaded MRI. And after 4 phone calls I finally got that scheduled. Within a minute of getting on the horn I was reminded of all the stress and frustration that comes with being sick.  The new rule is you can't schedule the appointment without the precertification number. That requires a facility. H…