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Showing posts from May, 2013

My Village

Hubby suggested taking the kids and Bio Mom with us. (She needs a Blog Nickname- I'm open to suggestions.) I rejected it at first and then Gabby went with my Mom and Bio Mom allowed so I thought, well maybe it would be good.
She has reached out. She really does want help. I really want to give it to her but since its more along the lines of parent coaching we need to be in the parenting moment for it to happen. 
This could be a terrible disaster. But it also could be the most helpful 2 days for my kids' family. And we did set out to help the entire family.
Even my Mom is looking forward to this. She's making her famous spaghetti and meatballs. My aunt practically cried when I told her. Relieved, that she does get to see the kids again. My brother ever the protector- worried that we would somehow get hurt but was all for spending the weekend with this extended family.
I never thought we would get here. I never thought I would get here. In fact, nothing scares me about this week…

Aww Schucks

So I missed some comments on my Mother's Day post and just saw them today. Anonymous gave a great suggestion for Cherub Mama's Blog (I have links to blogs on the left side of this page I believe you will find her there because as you say she's got a great blog) and also cheered me in.

First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for affirming me. Thank you for your wonderful suggestion. It came at a perfect time as today was kind of a tough day for me.

I spent some time tonight speaking with a co-worker who adopted from foster care and who had/has children with severe PTSD and Reactive Attachment Disorder. It was nice to have someone who understood. I am struggling to find my footing. And that is really, really hard.

To be honest I'm not sure what the future holds. I'm at a true fork in the road and I may find that my life in September will be 180 degrees from April. I'm praying for wisdom and healing for myself and those around me.

At the s…

Phonecalls

This week Jelly Bean called just because she missed me. She was calm and regulated but said she really missed me and wanted to tell me about having to go to summer school.

She called me by my first name. Which I admit, stung a little coming from the kid who got the most of my energy. But maybe that means she is attaching some to her Mom and that will mean she will be better regulated.

We've also gotten more placement calls. Lots of kids from one town over and lots of placements of 4. The call last night was for a 4 month old, 1, 2, and 4 year old for what sounded like medical neglect. Sadly it was another "intact" family case where the department is already involved giving services but the kids are still living with the parents.

I have to admit I cried when I hung up. I wish there weren't so many kids who need foster parents. I wish I could shake their parents and scream- wake up! Do you have any idea how precious they are? Do you understand what some women put the…

Happy Mother's Day

This weekend we saw the kids. For the most part they are doing well. Jelly Bean is struggling though. And her Mom is at a loss as to how to handle. When we arrived at their house she said she needed to talk to me. She needed my help.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think we'd reach this place. A place where I am helpful. Not the enemy. Part of her team.

I listened to her talk about how helpless she felt. How she didn't know how to help her daughter. In what was one of the most sincere moments of my life I told her - its really, really hard to be Jelly Bean's Mom. She sat as we modeled how to handle a trantruming JB. Who was confused and angry we had shown up like we said we would. Several things he screamed at me were very telling: why are you still acting like my parent, why don't you just leave my life already, you don't love me.

She's been kicker her mother and her actions are what caused the babysitter to quit (although why a 23 year old with no experien…

A Different Type of Grief

Our first day to see the kids after reunification is tomorrow. Their Mom asked me if they had shorts and could I bring them? We had intended to bring their summer wardrobe and bicycles. With her having no job I was hesitant. My head filled with what ifs.

What if they get evicted. What if she seeks all their stuff. What if they have to move back to us.

If I'm being honest I was thinking fairly selfishly. Which Hubby pointed out. If she needs to sell their bikes to make rent so they don't go through the trauma of eviction or moving into a foster home- I should understand.

My Mom agreed to sort through their summer clothes and pull out what fits. Because our A/C died this week this morning was the first opportunity I had to go over to our storage locker.

The moment I opened the door the grief hit me. It was like I was punched in the gut. The tears hit so fast I actually cried out loud. I sobbed as I took in the view of the car seats too small for an almost six year old. The box…

Hitting Pause

So after a week of several more calls about kids who need a home we decided to say no for at least 3 months.

We've always approached the decisions with the lesser of the two approach. We only go as far as the person with the lowest comfort level. Neither of us can parent without the support of the other and so that is how we will proceed.

We are still running away. Going out of town every other weekend until June. We are talking about starting a running program with the goal of completing a tandem 1/2 marathon. Dreaming of travel. Focusing on work. On us. The decision to hop back on the roller coaster of foster care will be one given much thought.