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Showing posts from October, 2013

Dear Kids

Dear Kids,

I missed you today. I though of all the fun things we did on our trips to Disney World. I pictured your reactions to the new things we tried and brainstormed a way to afford for us to do them all again. This time with your Mom included. 
I took a step towards healing today. I realized that I no longer refer to you as my kids. You are now Maria's kids or The Kids. I spent a good amount of time wondering what the next kids will think when they join our family and if they will enjoy our trips as much as you did.
There is a place in my heart that still longs for you. But mostly it hopes that you are alright. While I am confident that you are where you should be I still worry that you are ok. That your Mom is ok. I wonder if that will ever really go away. I had no idea how deeply I could love. I no longer worry that I don't have enough to go around.
Love,
Foster Mom R

Sadness

This was a rough weekend for me emotionally. I found out my friend passed just as I was sitting down to lunch with one of the Fab Four's former therapists. 
It's awkward to cry in the middle of a Cheesecake Factory. 
My friend was an amazing person who shaped the lives of many many people through her musical gifts. She's one of the people who influenced the Mom I became. My heart hurts when I think about her son and her husband. 
I also struggled with some jealousy regarding those around us who are expecting. I try so hard to push those thoughts away but I'm really having a hard time with it this weekend.
Patience is not my virtue today. And all I really wanted to do was curl up and cry.

Busy Week

Two months ago we got a call about a sibling set of four that have the same caseworker as the Fab Four. (She really needs a blog name.) I got an email last week from the licensing worker and asked if we'd heard from the CW. Apparently the Spanish speaking foster home that was going to take all four (they have been separated two different homes for 6 months) fell through. 
So the email was circulating that the CW was looking for a place that would take all four. So our liscensing worker got in touch. And we had another discussion about taking the case.
The goal is return home. However, this is the Mom's third go round with the system. And has lost custody to at least one other child. (There is a 2 year old with a friend that isn't in the system.) that's a total of 6 kids. And a failed reunification and failed in tact services.
One of the current foster moms got in touch with me and gave me the scoop from her perspective. When the two move out of her house the other sibling…

Losing Isaiah

It's been a long time since I've seen the movie "Losing Isaiah". I remembered that it was a movie about a black child being raised in a white foster home. 
Since I became a foster parent movies like this are seen through a different lens. I have a different perspective of the characters, the children, the circumstances. I was reminded of this when I caught the last 15 minutes of Losing Isaiah tonight.
WARNING SPOILER ALERT:
The scene I caught was the birth Mom taking the baby home. Then the foster parents are shown in their home. The foster dad tries to put a toy away and the foster mom tells him to leave it. He wants to move on, she wants to stay stuck in a world where she doesn't have to move.
And it felt like someone had stabbed my heart. I had lived several moments just like the one on the tv. The emotional reaction to the scene was immediate.
Hubby wanted to move out all the kids' stuff and I wanted to hang on to it. Deep down my hope was that they would come…

Reach Out, I'll Be There

I got a phone call from Maria this evening. She asked to talk to me in person because she is having some issues with the kids. 
It was a little hard to understand her because it was on the cell phone and her English,when talking about emotions and relating events, is hard to understand at times. Just like I use the wrong tense in Spanish, she uses the wrong tense in English. 
For instance she will say "the child say me" instead of "the child told me" or "she said to me". 
For the beginning part of the conversation which started with her telling me she had to call the police on Monday because the child wouldn't go to therapy, I thought she was talking about Jelly Bean. Then I picked up some details and I realized she was talking about Little Mama. 
Recently, LM told my Mom that she wanted to come live with me. That being at her Mom's house was hard. I think she had some unrealistic thinking about the way things were going to be when she returned home.
T…

Support

Through this wonderful blog-o-sphere I have been able to connect with some local women who share the hills and valleys of parenting traumatized children through adoption, foster care, and guardianship. 
I was fortunate to get to meet with some of them on Sunday. It was great to know I'm not alone in real life. It was great to be able to hug another Mom who "gets it". Who wasn't going to tell me all kids "act like that" or try to urge me to "try IVF" as if it was a new nail polish color. These were strong women who have been battered at times, just like me. These are women who have cried buckets of tears and fought long, hard battles for their kids. 
And I was able to share where I'm at, without tears. Without getting choked up and without feeling phony. My intro to the one Mom I had not previously met went something like this:
I'm a foster parent. We had 4 kids who had been with us for 2 + years who were returned home in April. We are support…

Moms

When I signed up to be a foster parent I agreed to help families. I had no idea that in a few years I'd be sitting in the audience of a school musical of a former foster child. But tonight that's what I did. My Mom and I each drove nearly three hours round trip to see a 45 minute show.
Why? Because I agreed to help families. I agreed to support reunification. I agreed to love these children like my own and that doesn't stop when their address changes. And also because her Mom couldn't be there. 
It was quite a beautiful moment for me. While I was sad that Maria couldn't make it, I was happy to be her stand in. I am still a Mom. Perhaps not THE Mom, but "A" Mom, at least at this event. 
As I sat there watching, her worried face turn to relief when she realized she had people in the audience. i sat there thinking how lucky I got. Not only to have this awesome responsibility of being a support for this child and her family but also that the woman sitting beside…