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Showing posts from January, 2011

Mom?

I don’t even know where to begin.

The last week has been a blur. We received a call from a case worker at DCFS asking if we could take a sibling placement.



I didn’t even know our license was completed.



It will be by Monday.




Did I mention Friday was my Grandma’s Birthday? And that my husband and I had happened be together as we were driving 5 hours to the funeral of her brother? And we had happened to stop due to a work issue (thus able to discuss and concentrate on the conversation)? And it was like everything with the Baby Girl made sense.



Sunday we got to meet them at their current foster parents’ home. This family was just awesome and made the transition very successful! As we are the kids' 4th home we were nervous about there being a rough transition.

On Monday the case worker brought our 7 year old daughter and our 3 ½ year old son. Due to confidentiality I can’t disclose their names. I will have to come up with some nicknames. They also have 2 sisters in foster care in anothe…

Waiting for the Phone to Ring

Well we finished our 2nd home inspection last week. Any day now we should get our license in the mail and even before it comes we may start to get calls. I am excited about where this journey may take us but I'm also bracing myself for the very real and very hard emotions that I know will come with it.

I've had a series of life changing "phone calls" in the last few months and I wouldn't put a single one in the positive category. The middle of the night phone call that my Grandmother passed. The text that my husbands estranged Grandmother passed. The Facebook alert that our family was not being considered for the baby girl being placed for adoption. The voicemail that my Grandmother's brother died of a heart attack last Saturday. So the fact that any day now my phone may ring and someone will be wanting to know if I'd like to take children into my home that may or may not stay, that may or may not have MAJOR issues, that may or may not become my childre…

If I'm being honest

I was really anxious all weekend. My husband had driven th 19 hours to pay his last respects to his Grandmother and my niece was with me from Thursday through Sunday. Friday night my friends sent me a picture of the baby. She is adorable. And I cried.

Maybe I knew that I would not get to meet her. Maybe I knew she was meant for a different family. Maybe I was a tiny bit relieved that our world would not be thrown to the wind with another phone call telling us we were wanted.

And my niece was standing there and she just hugged me. And I really needed it because what I really wanted was my husband. Someone who wants the same thing and can soothe me and remind me of my own words that God has a plan. He does. No really, He does. I looked into my nieces eyes and told her she was too young to have all the adults in her life cry all the time and we both laughed. We headed to dinner and had a really grown up conversation about adoption and foster care.

She wanted me to explain why it was "…

Baby Girl

A baby girl was born yesterday. She is healthy. Her mother is healthy. And she has not yet chosen an adoptive family. And even though I was told she had chosen to go with an agency I can't help but hold onto a little glimmer that maybe she'll change her mind about our situation and ask me to meet her. But my brain tells me its silly and it would just be opening up my heart to get broken even further.

I prayed last night for a long time. A long prayer that allowed for every situation. For some sort of sign or signal so that I could go whatever direction I'm supposed to so that I can stop being on edge. To be hopeful and excited at becoming a mother or let go of that hope and just move forward towards foster parenting.

I woke up to a text message from my husband's cousin. His grandmother passed away. The one he hadn't talked to in 11 years. And now he is on his way to Florida with his sisters and I will be responsible for my teenage niece for the weekend.

Is this is a…