Skip to main content


Showing posts from August, 2012
My Little Mama is having a tough week. It's so hard to figure out if it's the stress or puberty. Lord help me when I have 3 teenage daughters sharing a room. (Please remind me how much I wanted them.)

Last night she asked me to tuck her in. I don't typically do this. I give kisses and hugs before they head to bed. When LM is in need of more or wants to talk shell make this request. I never refuse it because I'm so grateful we got to a point where she could ask for help.

She had family therapy and a visit earlier so I figured she wanted to process that.

Turns out she's having bad dreams. Mainly with the theme of becoming an orphan or her siblings dying. There is a definite "I can't save them" theme.

Poor thing cried. Her sister started crying. I cried too. So much pain. Jelly Bean stated it was her fault LM was crying because she told the teacher that called DCFS. We went over again, who is responsible. Who needs to make better choices. Who needs to…

Every. Single. Time.

I'm convinced that parents of multiple children have at least one child that is especially challenging. Growing up, it was my brother. My Mom has said if he had been first he would have been an only child.

It strikes me as incredibly unfair that I have a daughter just like my brother. You know since I was the good kid and all....

Now I understand the why behind the decisions Jelly Bean makes. I get that this little girl has had every type of abuse. I understand the PTSD and the ADHD and the mood disorder. I get she doesn't feel lovable. But it doesn't always help me to not feel frustrated that she just can't follow directions.

Every. Single. Time. She tests. She pushes he boundary. She tap dances on my buttons and nerves. I'm seriously going to pull my hair out.

The millisecond I give her an opportunity she makes the wrong decision and I have to ground her, take something away, follow through on what I said. I hate it.

Me: Jelly Bean you can go down the block to …

Oh my magic pills

It's been a tough week. So tough that I've actually taken my anti-anxiety medication 3 days in a row.

Tuesday brought news that the foster parent's legal team (who abused Jelly Bean) sent an investigator to talk to Bio Mom. How he tracked her down I'm not sure but since he presented himself as someone from DCFS she spoke to him. At some point she felt uncomfortable and then stopped cooperating.

In the same call caseworker let me know that JB had made statements of "I want to kill myself" to her Mom at the visit Saturday. And of course no word from Bio Mom when it happened to us.

Ummm, may have been something to mention to us....

Then Wednesday I got a call from caseworker that Bio Mom was in the hospital and what were my thoughts about the kids going to see her in the hospital.

I managed to slightly censor my thoughts which were um hell no!

I could write an entire post about why I think hospitals are not a place for children and especially not a place for …

1st week of school

Knock on wood we got through the first week of all 4 children in school all day. It was not without it's bumps in the road.

•It took 4 days to get LM on the correct bus.
• I got a phone call from a very concerned secretary that MM was only going to get cereal today because his balance isn't correct- somehow his free lunch got screwed up.
• 5 minutes before arrive to school in a downpour JB decided to tell me she had diarrhea. I did not handle this very well. She did not poop for the next 12 hours. When she did she came and I got me and I confirmed that her idea of diarrhea and mine are not the same.
• I had no less than 4 meetings for the kids this week. 3 on Thursday. 1 was a team meeting. Let's just say the idea of putting your children's needs is still something Mom needs to work on and she was basically ignoring us when we left the meeting. (Next weeks co-parenting family therapy session should be real interesting.)
• LM was put in the ESL language arts and lite…


• Mr. Mohawk went to sleep without threats last night.
• When I told LM we would talk about the issue layer as I could tell she wasn't able to at the moment she apologized for giving me attitude and told me she was having a rough day.
• Jelly Bean was praised and praised again by her sisters for the good choices she has been making. They TOLD her they were proud of her without being prompted, BOTH of them!
• Gabby told her therapists she feels that her Mom should have placed LM for adoption at birth. She feels LM got cheated out of a better life. She then felt guilty and they had a nice heart to heart which ended with LM telling Gabby "Sisters Forever"
• Gabby invited LM an JB to do another sister family therapy session (The last one ended with the therapists swearing never again because Gabby was in tears due to Jelly Bean being under the coffee table calling her an F***ing B**** under her breath.)

First visit of the school year and a team meeting tomorrow. Should make…

Born To Be Wild

So we were at the museum today. Hubby and Grandma had taken the kids earlier in the summer but myself and my Dad were unable to go. We felt the perfect way to end the summer would be a trip back down to the city.

The OmniMax movie playing is Born To Be Wild. It's about two animal rescues that take in orphan elephants and orangutans. The kids loved it the first two times they saw it and wanted me to see it this time.

Just before the movie one of the theater staff asked if anyone had seen an orangutan in real life. Mr. Mohawk raised his hand.

Me: Really? Your sisters didn't raise their hands are you sure?
Him: I was a baby. That was before I had peoples. I was by myself. Now I have peoples and I really like them.
Then he gave me a cheesy smile and a giant hug.

The movie starts out talking about the two women who started their respective rescue organizations. Then the following line was said:

It started with two women each making a promise that they would would care for the orp…

For the LOVE

Nightly, I need to request, remind, threaten, and eventually yell at Mr. Mohawk to go to sleep. He is an active 5 year old with an equally active imagination. He's constantly talking to and playing with his toys. When we went to Disney he got a Mickey AND a Minnie doll because "Mickey needed a friend to talk to." Well that, and Daddy is a sucker for those big brown eyes and very logical arguments. (Mommy would have said, "or we can get no Mickey?".)

So it wasn't a surprise that 11pm I heard whispering coming from his room. "Mr. Mohawk! GO.TO.SLEEP."

1:45am. I wake up. Do I hear knocking? I jump out of bed. The dog lifts his head and Hubby doesn't even stir. Yep. Knocking. Then "Mommy?".

I'm coming sweetie pie. There he is. My rough and tumble boy tears streaming down his face. He can't catch his breath. His dream terrified him. What was it about? His brown eyes widen and the years escape them. A..a...crab. It was going to ea…

Visit with the Judge

So the kids met with the judge this week. She spent at least 30 minutes with each of the girls and 10 minutes with Mr. Mohawk and the rest of us. She saw the attention seeking and chaos on full display.

I didn't pry to find out what the kids told her but their GAL told me Gabby told the judge that when she told her Mom about the missed visit due to the birthday party Mom didn't talk to her the rest of the visit.... The kids also told her they are tired of having Saturday visits. They want to enjoy their weekend. We had already tried to advocate on their behalf for this and we're turned down. Maybe if it comes from them it will sound more authentic instead of the foster parents complaining. The sad part is the kids are right. Thy don't have time to relax and be kids and hang out with friends.

Up until last week we had therapy Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. With a visit Monday and Saturday.

This school year it will be therapy Tuesday, Family Wednesday, Visit Wednesday, …

Happy Birthday Little Mama (8/2)

Dear LM,

12. 12! I can believe I am the mother of a beautiful preteen girl who is creative and loving. I'm so proud of the young woman you are becoming! I'm sorry you had to meet with the judge today and talk about difficult things. However, I'm very glad you and I got to spend all day together. The cupcakes you made were beautiful. How fitting that you wrote "family" on them considering how much you fit into ours.

You are a Daddy's girl. When he was in a foul mood yesterday YOUR creativity turned him around. Your stubbornness is just like his. So is your sense of humor. And man, you are also not a morning person!

Your willingness to help others and your sense of adventure make me think that sometimes I gave birth to you. But then you draw something elegant and amazing and I realize you are way too talented to be mine!

My prayer for you on your birthday is that you continue to heal from all the hurt. I pray that you get to a place of peace and that sometime…