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Showing posts from June, 2015

Just Done

My post from yesterday about the insensitive family members didn't save or publish. :( I've decided today that I'm tired. Tired of fighting others for what comes so naturally to me. Acceptance. Of other children. Of other families- of all shapes and sizes. Of differences. 
We fall into that category. We are an adoptive family. My children are not my "natural" children. They don't look like me. They come from another culture. A different economic class. We aren't seen as an equal to biological families and the world seems determined to remind me of that today and I'm just done. D.O.N.E. Done.
It's not the same kind of fight as racial equality or marriage equality but it's in a similar category. How my family is formed doesn't really affect how your family operates so why do you feel the need to belittle it? And the fact that you don't even realize that is what your are doing, says more than your hurtful words and your turned down nose. Wh…

An Open Letter to the Biological Family Of My Children

Dear People,

I've been thinking a lot about you lately. Wondering why it is that none of you showed up for my kids this time.  Don't get me wrong, it's my good fortune that you didn't, but I can't help but wonder why the Hell not?

There are tons of family members that I've found on the Internet. Were you unaware that these kids needed a family? Didn't you wonder what had happened to them? Is their Mom that much of a nightmare that you thought it best to stay out of it?
I'm just perplexed by it all. I look at their beautiful faces and I think "you would have to pry them from my hands before I'd let you give them to someone else". What is wrong with this family that they you don't think that also? My only answer is to imagine you were lied to and I wonder if learning the truth would make your heart ache, the way that mine has as I've learned of the abuse and neglect they suffered.
Do you have any idea how odd it is that I now have …

Rules To Calm Sarah Down

As I mentioned, Sarah has been struggling.  I'm not sure if its the delay in the adoption or if this would have happened organically as she continued to attach.  (It's really easy to blame Bio Mom, but I have to admit, she probably would have done this anyway.) She gets so very angry.  Its hard to imagine, the peanut that she is, can scream the way she does.  Its shrill. Its primal. Its exhausting for both her and us.  But man when she is committed, she is committed.

Last week her therapist and her worked on a list of "Rules" for us to follow when she is tantruming as they are supposed to help her calm down. The rules include getting her a drink of water and a tissue, allowing her to use hand signals, and an order in which to hug her.

We used it earlier in the week while at a restaurant and it worked really well.

At home, not so much.  It was Father's Day and it was largely my fault. 

I just couldn't take finding the pee soaked pull up where it was not sup…

Next Month

We were told this week that the baby to be, will be coming into foster care unless Sheila or the alleged father name family. Sheila will not be bringing the baby home from the hospital. 
Social media and discussions with Caseworker #3 point to Sheila writing off my four and focusing on the baby. I guess she's starting to work the case plan. (Which she's able to do for a few months and then she falls behind making no progress.) It makes me very sad. 
How do you walk away from 6 of your children?
Then she told us that the foster family they are likely to place the baby with is a potential adoptive home. And that hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess it never dawned on me that the placement for the baby would be adoptive. We've said if there were no visits we would take the baby (expedited termination). But it's not fair to have another family fall in love with the baby and go through the process to have us come in and ask to be the adoptive home because we have the siblings.…

Game 6

Piece of paper or not- this family is prepared to cheer on their team tonight.  #myplayoffmoment #onegoal

Rough, Rough, Night

It's been a long time since I've had to restrain a tantruming kid. I actually contemplated calling the risk assessment team because she was so out of sorts. Even after she calmed down, she escalated to another tantrum a few hours later.
Sarah is really struggling with the feelings of love she has going on. It's all fear based that we will go away. Prolonging her visits until the trial did not help her in any way. In fact, they are hurting her. She spend her evening in a panic attack/tantrum. Screaming at the top of her lungs- I need space. You don't understand, I can't breathe.
There were some you aren't my parents, calling us by our first names and a few I hate you'd for good measure.
Did I ever tell you about my theory that if your kid tells you they hate you when you are correcting their behavior, you are doing it right?
Sadly, I lost my cool with the other kiddos. Admittedly, I'm tapped out and it's only Tuesday.....
Each tantrum, wet bed, crying jag…

Behavior

So ever since the court date we've had a return of daily bed wetting (and the hiding of wet sheets).  We've had several potty accidents at school. We've had a ton of disregulated behavior, struggles at meal time, and have now introduced morning crying jags about hair brushing. 
Of course the visit this month falls on the last day of school. I almost feel like emailing Bio Mom and relaying this information along with a nice note about the added stress she placed on them and the happiness they will exhibit at their visit will be totally fake. I want ask her to reassure them, but why would they (or me) believe her. It wouldn't matter anyway, she sees all this as Bio Dad's fault for not showing up. 
It's going to take a long time for me to forgive her for this choice.