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There is nothing quite as crushing as the weight of grief when it comes fallling down upon you. Sometimes it leaves you flattened. Unable to move, to stand up, or to keep going. Other times it propells you in directions you would not have imagined. The day before Thanksgiving at 1:30 AM I was struck with the news that my Grandma had passed. My Mother's words on the other end of the phone were clear but my brain could not understand. And in just a few minutes my world went from peaceful slumber to restless shock. For hours I sobbed not knowing how to process the ache in my heart. I was glad she was not suffering. I was angry she didn't get one last Thanksgiving with her family all together. And scared because I knew that there were many moments still to come in my life in which I would need her wisdom and I wouldn't hear it directly.

Then she hit me. Like Literally. I was digging in a trunk of pictures and scrapbooking supplies and the top of the trunk came crashing onto …

Perspective

Our journey to foster/adoption was impacted along the way. From the time I was a child young enough to need a babysitter to the time I was the babysitter and now as an adult. But yesterday something odd happened and I was reminded of the Safe Haven Baby that was in fact not placed.

It was May of 2009. A co-worker of mine was talking at lunch about her Sister who was pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption. We had friends that were going through the process of working with a domestic adoption agency. I decided to open my big mouth.

Oh are the adoptive parents going to be there?

No she didn't do that she was just going to leave the baby at the hospital under the Safe Haven Law

Oh. Well you know we have friends who are trying to adopt.

Do you think they'd be interested in the baby?

I could ask.

So I did. I e-mailed with the details I knew. Baby Girl. Due in a month. Bi-racial. Dad in Jail. Mom Drug user. No Prenatal care. The friends were interested. So I texted my co-wo…

We Don't Have Kids

Ok I'll admit I was a little mean. And it wasn't the woman's fault.



This week I had to go to Babies-R-Us to get a shower gift for a friend of ours. Now as I've stated before right now we don't have fertility issues. We have an autoimmune disorder that won't go into remission and I'm sure the feelings and experience I'm about to share are 1% of what women who go through fertility problems and treatments experience. The person we were buying the gift for had one such struggle and after 8 years of treatments and testing she finally got pregnant - out of nowhere. This couple is apart of our adoption journey as they opened our eyes to the possibility and at one point was had tried to help facilitate a private adoption for them for a baby that was going to be placed as a Safe Haven baby. (The mother changed her mind.)



I was not in the mood to be shopping I was tired and hungry and irked. Irked that my Husband had discussed my lack of going to the store to get a…

My Blog My Soap Box

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/22/florida-gay-adoption-ban-unconstitutional_n_735751.html



I rejoiced as I read this story at 1:30AM because I could not sleep. Especially since the Republican Party just voted agianst the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell". Now I am not what I would consider a political person. Legal stories intrest me becaue I have a paralegal degree. At one point or another I've wanted to go to law school and while I classify myself as a Democrat with fairly Liberal Views I'm not one to discuss/debate political topics as I don't feel well versed enough in all sides of arguments. And also because I feel like if you can't win the debate why have it? My belief system and morals are pretty set and it would take a whole lot of debate for someone to change where my moral compass points. Several comments about this ruling popped up on a forum I follow about homosexuality being wrong, not Christian, a choice, and a lifestyle.


First of all …

Why I Haven't Told My Grandmothers

The term family has been on my mind a lot this week. My Aunt came in from Hawaii and my Uncle and his partner came in from Florida. they are on separate sides of the family and came in for very different reasons. My Aunt came in for a class reunion and my Uncles came in because my Grandma is very sick. My other Grandma is actually very injured and neither of them know about our plans to become foster/adopt parents.

I have lots of reasons why I've not told either of them. Since their last names start with the same letter I'll refer to them as Grandma and Gram. Perhaps the most complicated reason is my relationship with Gram. We don't really have a relationship. I've felt she favored my other cousins over my Brother and I and she wasn't a super huge part of my childhood. She also made choices on important days that I really felt were hurtful. For a while I tried very hard to form some sort of relationship with her but it was not reciprocated in the way that I ne…

Bedding

After our Session 5 PRIDE class on Saturday we decided to take a ride to Bed Bath and Beyond to cash in some gift certificates and get the bedding for the bunk beds. I think this was worse than trying to register for our wedding!

I loved Bed Bath and Beyond for our wedding. They had pretty much everything we needed and they were great with returns and shipping and even price matching (savy consumer here got all 12 Lenox Soup Bowls free by threatening to return all 12 place settings of our china if they did not price match - and they were shipped free THANK YOU VERY MUCH.) But something happens to my Honey when he gets in that store. My Dad calls it Mall-itus. You start to get tired. You get a headache and after a little while you just can't take it anymore and the only cure is to leave the store and get fresh air. So to prevent this I suggested we go to lunch before going - and we ended up at Hooters. (Yes I will go into Hooters. In fact I like their food better than other wing pla…

The Boys are gone

As I mentioned before we had our "eye" on a few kids on the Waiting Children websites. Last week both sibling sets disappeared from the search engines. And surprisingly this was ok in my heart. They found forever families and that felt right to me.

I was worried. Sometimes our intentions don't match up with our feelings. And this particular situation was one where I thought maybe my heart had become more involved than I had intended. Their little faces and descriptions of good deeds and likes and dislikes had become familiar to me. And the potential to become their Mom was in my heart too. My Honey cautioned me at the begining - don't get too attached because you don't want to be crushed if they can't become ours. Well they didn't and I'm fine. They found the people who were really supposed to be their parents. I'm happy for those families as I'm sure that there is a woman or a man who is extactic that they became parents. And that fee…

Spreading the Word

Dinner with my in-laws went well. Really well. After asking the initial questions of why we weren't going to have biological children (I don't think my In-Laws knew how much my neurosarcoid effects me) they wew totally excited. Their main concern was becoming attached to children who might have to go back to their biofamilies and how hard that could be.

My sister in law was really excited about possibly becoming an aunt. She told us she was proud of us and expressed her desire to do the same thing we are doing. So maybe we aren't nuts. Maybe the initial feelings of fear was just fear of taking a different path. Or it was the fear of becoming "instant" parents. LOL We were discussing the number of children (we will be licesnsed for 3) we would want to take and we never got to a answer....

We also got finger printed today and will have our medical stuff all done by next week. The finger printing process was actually pretty cool as it was all digital. And we kno…

PRIDE Sessions 1&2

So we had our first PRIDE training today. It was an all day class as it consisted of 2 sessions. It was a lot to take in. I'm not sure what I was expecting. I'm trying to keep somewhat of an open mind and so I didn't have too many pre-conceived notions. I was really surprised by the diversity in the room. There were some couples older and younger, some with biological children, a few single Moms, a few with kinship situations, and one family looking to do traditional foster care and not foster care to adoption.

We talked a lot about the birth parent perspective and trying to keep that at the forefront of our minds as well as what kids feel coming into foster care. I guess I wasn't expecting to be discussing emotion - but of course that's what we are talking about that's what families are! Our instructors seem very nice and have a lot of personal knowledge as they have all been foster parents and have adopted children.

We are going to my husbands Parent'…
Well our first visit went well. I don't know why I was so worried. Well OK I do....My home was being judged, my competency was being judged, our ability to be good parents was being judged on a 1st impression. And I HATE that. But CW was really nice and laid back and she came in. Looked over our paperwork. Looked at the house and then told us our room was big enough for 3 kids.



And somehow in the course of an hour we redefined what we were willing to foster and it became 0-13 and any gender. As lately they have had sets of 3 siblings come into care. So now its hurry up an wait. Well that and somehow furnish a room for the unknown. Could someone please tell me how to do that? Right now we are looking for bunk beds. Is it better to buy a less expensive frame from Ikea or go all out and get a substantial set at 10 times the cost? I think we are going to go with less expensive but it feels like throwing money away. We shopped all day saturday looking at different places trying to get…

Home Study

Friday is the 1st day of the licensing process. We will meet CW (her initials but could be used for Caseworker) on Friday at our house. Which of course happens to be a disaster zone at the moment. Honey and I were cleaning out closets on Saturday trying to get ready for "The Boys". He had been using the closet in the 2nd Bedroom and we needed to make room in our closet for all of his stuff. So we have piles of donatable clothes, clothes for family members and then the regular stuff we just have no place for in our house. I think its safe to say that tonight and Thursday will be the MOST productive cleaning days I've ever had. Did I mention our cleaning lady has also been on vacation and its been a month since our last visit? And we still have to buy a bed!

Cleaning out the closets was actually really theraputic. And it was cute. Honey kept saying we need to do this or that for "The Boys". Truth be told there are two brothers in another state listed on line …

Baseball Game

My husband went to a baseball game yesterday. We live in a city with two MLB teams and this one was not "Our" team (because Our team wins World Series occasionally but I digress). It was a work event so he had to go. So in the middle of my fairly crazy day I get a text from him.

This little kid was staring at me. So I said Hi and he said - Hi...this is my Dad.

I think my heart actually swelled in my chest. In that instant I flashed to the first time I saw his desk at work and saw a picture of his niece proudly displayed. I loved him in an instant. And I was reminded how much my husband wants to be a Dad.

On the surface the text was innocent. Something silly that happened. But I know my husband. We've been married for almost 4 years, living together for 7 and together for 9 years. He wanted to be DAD. He wants so badly to have a son he can take to a baseball game. To play video games with to teach Math to. Even before we got married he's wanted a son. Maybe beca…

Turtles

So after speaking with J a supervisor at DCFS I felt instantly comfortable with their process. He was all for helping us find potential children to adopt and was a straight shooter which I appreciated. So my Honey and I will be going this route. I hope to have some more information next week and start our training classes in the next month or two. The process is going to feel TURTLE SLOW.....

Meanwhile we went and played laser tag. Myself my husband, my brother and my sister-in-law. My brother is newly home from the Army and this seemed like a fun activity. And of course as randomness would have it we were matched up against 9 eight year olds and their dad. They were screaming big kids vs little kids in this tiny little room and I couldn't hear myself think. They were too cute but finally I said - You can have whatever teams you want just don't scream - so of course they screamed even louder! Red or Green? GREEN of course that's their favorite color! More screeching!…

Confusion

I'm a smart girl. I have a college degree and a paralegal certificate so why is it so hard to figure out the way to start adopting a Waiting Child. I've read forum after forum, link after link on adoption in the US, specifically adoption of children currently in Foster Care (Waiting Children) but no one can seem to give me a straight answer about how to go about this.

You have to become a Foster Parent in order to Adopt. But when they start giving you the information about Foster Licensing they tell you the goal of Foster Parenting is reuniting the child with their birth parents... Huh? Didn't I call the adoption hot line? What if I just want to skip straight to the adopting part? I mean understand needing to go through the education part and getting the home checked out as suitable but why does all the information talk in circles.

Can the terms adoption/foster be used interchangeably. And if not why are the people needed to to do either of this type of parenting always lu…

A New Journey

I find blogging theraputic and as such have decided to start putting down some of my feelings about a new journey I am taking: Motherhood. The last 18 months have been something of a rollercoaster. Definate highs and ultimate lows and the same feeling when the ride stops - Let's go again. And so here I am about to embark on a new journey into previously unknown territory foster care/adoption. Ultimately, I feel empowered and prepared and this is how I know this is the right thing for our family.

For those of you who don't know anything about me currently I have an active bout of Neurosarcoidosis. This is an autoimmune disorder that can effect any tissue structure in the body and currently the disease is residing in my brain. If my head were a map the House of Pain is located on Trigeminal Nerve Ave. Left side. Next to The Temple. For reasons unknown my body has decided it doesn't like normal courses of treatment and as such has failed to respond to them. I'm a bit of an…