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Mother May I?

I took a brief break from blogging. The beginning of this year has been busy with life and I didn't have the energy to word vomit all of my feelings. I'm still stuck in a space where I resent trauma and want to pretend we aren't impacted by foster care. But that of course, is not the truth.

I have a bunch of draft blog posts that I started but I'd start to write and just get frustrated. I focused on offering my advice to local support groups and new foster parents instead.  Writing here is often one-sided and I get a high from knowing I helped someone (don't we all?). But hanging out in those public forums, is exhausting as it's a glimpse into the general public and the stunning realization that all kinds of people become foster parents, including those that shouldn't. Do you ever think- Wow that person just wrote that in a public forum, what do they think in the privacy of their own head?

I shared that Sheila took off out of state around Christmas. Well  …
Recent posts

Gabbing with Gabby

Gabby popped up on Facebook today. She posted a picture of herself from when she lived with us. In it, she was wearing her favorite dress from that time. So I commented and she texted to ask if we could video chat. She apologized for barging back into my life - and I was stunned.

She thought I’d be annoyed to hear from her after so much time had passed. She misses me a lot. I confessed I think of her daily and still keep her picture on my desk at work, and around the house. We both cried. I tried to explain that I wanted to respect Maria’s role and space, and how I understand LIttle Mama doesn’t want to be reminded of her time with us. Mr. Mohawk doesn’t remember us, and Jelly Bean can be a little much with all of the other kids around. Everyone is doing well. Which is such a relief, 7 years since we first came into their lives.

I always knew Gabby would excel. And I really see her rising above her circumstances.  She’s getting all As and Bs. She’s playing tennis and made show choir.…

10 Questions To Ask When Considering a Foster Care Placement

I see this question very frequently in the Foster Parent Support Groups. What should I ask before agreeing to a new foster child placement?

I always feel a little tug on my heartstrings when I see that question. It reminds me about the hope and excitement we had when we started out. And then I remember we had zero time to come up with a list and it wouldn't have mattered because we weren't really given a clear picture even when we did ask the questions....sigh. Not that my pre-jaded self would have been discouraged by the truth....
So before I give you the list, here is my advice on how to approach those first few placement calls.
Don't be rushed. The person calling will be frantic. They will tell you the child is in their office. They will need an answer ASAP.  You are making a decision that is LIFE CHANGING. For you, your family, and the kids in care. If you don't spend the time now, it will cause issues later. And the kid who they are trying to place will likely pay…

Closing Out 2017

It’s been 2 years since Solana came into our lives. It looks nothing like we hoped and everything like we hoped. She came, she went home, and then she stayed. In the fall, SD sought some advice. He had the opportunity to save some money but he would have to give up his apartment. Should he do it he asked? And if he did it, could Solana stay with us?

So with my Mom’s incredible offer to provide free child care to her, Solona began staying here full time with SD coming and staying most weekends with us. We video chat with him every day and we make up this interesting family unit of Mom, Dada, and Daddy (how she distinguishes between her Dads.) Solona and “the Guys” (the kids).

The few times she’s gone and stayed at SD’s house she’s definitely tried to re-assure us she was coming back. And called us several times a day to check in. She’ll tell us “Don’t worry. I be right back” and “Mama, you come a picka me up.” And when she gets home, “I’m home! I come right back!”.

Because SD has spen…