Saturday Morning

So Gabby did go to the visit this morning. I could tell she was nervous but she said her stomach was fine.

Jelly Bean woke up in a foul mood and then dragged, and I mean dragged, in getting ready. I have never seen someone take so long to tie their shoes.

Mr. Mohawk seemed happy. He was the first one ready. I hope he doesn't kick her today like he did Wednesday.

Little Mama was finding reasons to be angry at me. She asked to take a board game knowing full well I would say no. My standard: "Your Mom is working on being prepared. That's a great suggestion. You should tell her that's a game you'd like." only served to provoke the silent treatment.

I'm not responsible for providing entertainment for 4 children at an in home visit. In the past, I might have considered it but the training wheels have to come off. The kids have to adjust to what life without me is going to be like. What life with her will be like. She doesn't have the capacity to plan ahead or draft a schedule. Despite the request to do so. Despite the kids need for rigid structure. This will likely be to their detriment in the end but I can't stop it. She has to learn what works for her. And she can't do it with me interfering.

She has no desire to enter into a co-parenting or mentoring relationship with me. We are the same age. She has been a Mom for 12 years. I've been a Mom for 18 months. She doesn't believe that the kids I describe or talk about are the same that she sees. She still views the incident that brought them into care as isolated. This is a belief system that she's created in order to protect herself. I understand it. It sucks. We had hoped to build a relationship. And perhaps down the road we can but right now stepping back feels right.