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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Apparently Yelling Worked

As did my no nonsense email about MY expectation regarding homework- it will be done on Wednesdays if it is not I will direct the teacher to the caseworker who can work with Mom.

I remember reading advice from somewhere (I can't remember or I would credit the source.) that case workers don't change until they feel your pain. Seemed like having the caseworker potentially contacted by 3 teachers would be a great way to spread my pain.

Because it prompted a call from the case worker's supervisor to "do damage control".

Yep.

And I vented. Expressed that we are tired of being the doormat. Not sure how long we can continue like this.

She stroked my ego. You are doing a great job. Don't know how you do it. Yada yada. But we need to push them if we are going to get them home by Christmas break.

As in three months from now.

So I've gone back and forth between being grateful for finally having a date to work with and understanding what the Department has been thinking and being scared and angry.

I've landed at resolved. Resolved to help them push us to an end point. If she can do this she should be able to do it by now. If she can't we need the proof so we can move on.

What is meant to be will be. If I'm meant to be their Mom- that will happen. If they are suppose to move on and go back to their family then we've accomplished what we set out to do. Perhaps God ha to move them for other children we are meant to help.

So today I sent an email requesting that the group take advantage of some upcoming days off school to add time with Mom. Solid blocks of time. The email came back- a large chunk would have to be unsupervised. How do you feel about that?

Umm. Well the kid who was the most anxious is now feeling more comfortable. If she feels ok with it and Mom feels ok with it, it doesn't really matter how I feel about it. I won't be there. It's not my goal. It's theirs.

She has every piece of paper and approval stating she's ready to parent unsupervised. I can't stand in the way of a moving train. I've done all I can to help heal and take care of these kids and their family. It's time to let them go for it.

Do I think she can do this long term? No. Does that matter to anyone? No. Will it help me to keep saying it? No. You can't keep doing the same thing and expect to get a different result.

Am I scared? Yes. Terrified, in fact. Terrified that they will go home and I will never see them again. Terrified they will get hurt in the process. Saddened by the fact that it's now best for me to step back and let them feel what living with their Mom will be like. (For instance, the conversation about Halloween tonight and if their Mom will take them or not.) But they have to get comfortable with the differences in order to not implode when they do go home.

And if all Hell breaks loose, like I suspect it will, then at least we all gave it our best shot and hopefully the state will have the proof they need to give the kids permanency. I always said if they stayed I always wanted to be able to tell them I did EVERYTHING to help them keep their family in tact. And we are confident we are doing just that.

It's time. It's past time, actually. And at least this way we will be out of limbo. It will hurt no matter what happens but we have to work through that too.

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