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Monday, September 3, 2012

Hear my Heart

Lord, please help me? Please give me the strength to keep going. To  remain patient. To stop yelling. To be calm. Help me figure out how not to be frustrated by homework and projects and socks on the floor.  To ignore the bickering.

I would love to have this knot in my neck go away. And the fear in my stomach to disappear. Because as tired and sad as I sometimes am, the thought of not having those feelings is worse. Way worse. How long can we hold out? How long can we all carry on like this? In limbo. In wait and see. In permission and appointments and visits. And behaviors after visits and cancelled appointments. In between court dates and case reviews and updates.In asking others if, how, when we can live our life.

When CAN we live our life? When CAN we know if they can plan for next year? If we can plan for next year, next time. Someday.  Have we made a difference? Can we make a difference. Is it enough? Should there be more?

I am enough. I have to be.

 

2 comments:

  1. I second every single thing you wrote there - except the homework. Mine are too little for homework. Oh yeah, and it's my foot that's inflamed from arthritis. (Damned arthritis!)

    I question my ability to keep on doing this almost every single day. It hardly seems fair to the kids. Why in the Hell can't The System do their job faster?! Surely there has to be a better way.

    I've got nothin' in the way of helping fix it. Just know you are not alone!! You are definitely not alone!

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  2. Hmmmm makes me wonder why y'all did sign up up for this if you're going to complain about each and every beautiful thing thrown your way... just WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    ReplyDelete