Questions

How do you explain to a 5 year why his other Mommy was asking him where he wanted to live when he doesn't know living anywhere else?

How do you clear up his explanation that he can live with you because "your babies got lost"?

How do you reassure him that people are trying to protect him and won't send him anywhere until they are sure he will be safe, when you, yourself, aren't convinced?

How do you give him e a hug goodnight and ignore the death grip he has on you because now he is worried that his safe Mommy is going to send him away?

How do you explain to a 12 year old why you are sitting in the basement crying alone wen she comes down to talk to you?

How do you explain to her how proud you are of her that she could come talk to you, especially since the very thing she's going to tell you is that she couldn't talk about what was bothering her with her "real" Mom a few hours before?

How do you respond to being told that she's not ready to talk to her Mom about living with her when you know everyone is pushing for that to happen and to happen quickly?

Where do the words of reassurance come from? How on Earth was I able to look at their worried faces and do the right thing?

How do you put yourself together when your heart is cracking daily?

How do you reconcile your ultimate commitment to a return home goal when it goes against ever instinct to protect you have?

How do you handle wanting the very best for them while also praying that they get hurt so that this entire thing can be over? (I'm not wishing it - I believe it's a matter of time and I'd rather that time come now.)

I got nothing. All I'm left with at the end of this day is tears. Lots and lots of tears.