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Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Odd Life

So I was going to write about how the judge on my foster kids' case just made the front page of a major newspaper because she was assigned to a high profile case (featuring the relative of a well known political family). Then we watched The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

And since BOTH Hubby and I were reduced to tears I decided to share that instead.

Caution: I may spoil some of the movie for you. Stop reading if you want to be surprised.

I didn't really know what the movie was about. The kids had wanted to see it and so we grabbed from the Redbox Rental (Redbox is my new favorite thing). Of course it starts with a loving couple trying to start their family. They are in an adoption office and begin to tell their story.

The same day as they receive the news they are out of fertility treatment options they go home an dream up their "perfect child". And they bury their ideas in a box in the garden.

Gabby asked why they were doing that. I explained it was a lot like in therapy when you write down the hard stuff and destroy the paper. "Sometimes you have to do that with dreams in order to move forward."

And oh man are we there. We just got to a place where we buried the dream of this and started to move forward. And did we get kids who fit exact? Please! It's like 4 miniature Foster Mom R and Hubbys.

And then this little boy shows up at about age 7 and he calls them Mom and Dad. And it took me back to the first time I heard someone call me that. It was Jelly Bean. And it melted my heart.

Then the sister shows up and makes some really rude comments about getting a "real kid" one without "problems" and I cringed a bit. Because well meaning but ignorant people have said the very same thing to me. And daily we dodge some sort of question or comment that could take a negative turn.

Even Sunday, the girl at the mall asked LM and Gabby if they were 1/2 Hispanic because they looked Hispanic. I was in the fitting room eager to hear what they said. When she asked if they looked like their Dad I almost giggled. So when Gabby asked me what percentage Hispanic she was I was a little puzzled. She didn't quite understand that nationality is genetic and it's not something you acquire by living with someone. Of course when the sales girl asked what kind of Hispanic their Dad was they answered Puerto Rican instead of Mexican.

So Timothy Green lands in what would be a really fantastic foster home and starts teaching the people in the story about life and what's important. And the parents learn that they are not perfect and have to deal with how others react to their choices.

Timothy has leaves growing on his legs. They have to decide how to work with this difference. Just like we had to learn to work with Jelly Bean's differences. I had to get over other people's reaction to my 8 year old in the shopping cart at the grocery store. I had to give up the idea that my kids would be honor role students and be ecstatic that they were passing tests.

And all along the family turns into a "real" family. And by real I mean one of love and laughter. One that works together. And it doesn't matter that he didn't come from their DNA. He was just there and they loved him.

Until the day that he was done teaching them about being parents and it was time for him to leave. The universe mysteriously sweeps him away and the parents are left without any answers except that possibly they had learned what they needed to know to pass the adoption interview so they can become forever parents.

This same though has crossed my mind. Maybe the kids are teaching us something we need to know before they move on. Maybe we are supposed to help other kids. Either way the Universe has a plan and I'm not tuned into it. And it may very well sweep them away with little explanation.

So we watch a the family gets their older forever child and Hubby and I were left crying. In front of the kids. I think they were shocked to see Hubby moved to tears and when they left the room to get ready for bed we sobbed in each others arms.

We are back to limbo. The space of the unknown plan and I have no idea how to feel about it. I don't want to get my hopes up and I don't want to let go again. And I'm really, really tired of all this being on the whim and choices of someone who doesn't really understand the impact she makes.

Hopefully we'll have some information about next steps this week. This is an odd way to live. Life plans changing weekly....

1 comment:

  1. I've wanted to see that movie since it came out. I know it would be a trigger to my middlest (adopted) son but I'm thinking I need to watch it after he goes to bed some night. It sounds wonderful!

    I will continue to pray for you & your kids!