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Rules Don't Apply

So the kids came home today from another 2 night overnight. Their behavior was fine but their report of the goings on at the visit was alarming. Mom violated two major rules- no one else at the visit per the court order and she took the kids to pay the bill on the emergency cell phone- she has no license and is not allowed to drive them. The worst of this was she told the kids not to tell anyone she broke the rules and discouraged them from calling the case worker.

I have to say I'm not surprised but I'm really disappointed in her choices. I don't know if she really doesn't care what the court says or if she's self sabotaging but either way I was just like 'c'mon. These are not hard rules to follow. For your kids' sake you can't keep it together? Do you have any idea what this did to them? The fact they know you totally disregarded the rules is shattering whatever trust you have built.

Worse was their anger and grieve over Mom breaking the rules. They are very scared she crossed a line and they won't be going home. How scary to have been abused by all these people who told you not to tell, participate in therapy 2-3 times a week and have it drilled into your head that safe adults don't make you keep secrets that you don't feel right about and then have everyone tell you your Mom has changed and then she does the same thing!

I just held them. Praised them for telling us (still worried about the lack of emergency phone use but they told us) and reminded them our job is to keep them safe. We encouraged processing with their therapists and then got out of the house for dinner and then watched a funny movie as a family. It was almost as if there was no visit that's how calm and peaceful they were.

I have no idea what this means, if anything. The judge was pretty clear about the no visitors and this is the second time she has broken this rule. The therapists are going to have a fit over her telling them not to tell anyone. But no one has ever held her to the fire before due to ignoring visit rules so I don't think much will happen. Maybe they will scale back to one night again. Really though, what is that going to do except drag this out and keep the kids in care longer.

I'm angry at her. Just as I got comfortable with saying goodbye and moving on without them, she does this and I feel like I just got belted in for another ride on the crazy train. I don't even know what to do with this. Do I hope this is the end, that visits stop?Do I hope they do nothing so that the process doesn't slow again? I don't think I have another 6 months of this in me. When is enough, enough?


  1. Our stories are so different -- and yet so similar. This System we're playing with sure is messed up! I hope you're able to get someone to listen to your kids so they can be kept safe. This situation with Mom just does not sound good!!


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