Skip to main content

Love Should Be Multiplied: One Year Later

The original post is one of the most viewed and searched upon posts I have written. It was written one year ago in response to us taking the rest of a sibling set of four kids who were 9 months into their DCFS case for physical abuse. We had less than 4 hours notice before they arrived on out doorstep with garbage bags of belongings (at least they HAD belongings) while my husband and his best friend worked furiously to get the beds set up and my Mom did her best to stop crying in order to keep them occupied.  I had a beautiful post in my head where I was going to hyperlink to that original post and to the post about my Mom's reaction to our announcement we were going down the foster care path - but i just spent the last 30 minutes dealing with Jelly Bean and a monsterous meltdown and to be honest I'm spent. This was the second one of the evening. Hubby said to me when I came home "I'm not sure what is causing it today?". I flippantly responded "it's Wednesday."  Then I heard my statement out loud and remembered the call I got from Gabby this afternoon worried that she had family therapy today.  It's Wednesday. Now I wrote in January how the anniversary of living here a year bothered JB. Gabby and LM were excited. So we bit the bullet and celebrated for their sake. We ordered pizza like last year and got a special dessert. (Long story short-we ended up with 2 cookie pizzas. Hubby wanted to know what we were going to do with the other. My suggestion was bring it to the staffing meeting on Friday. It said Happy Anniversary on it. Hubby actually laughed at my joke. He doesn't often do that it made me feel good. I was only 1/2 kidding though. I wish I could bring it and all the evil people could choke on it...another joke...maybe.) We thanked them for being awesome kids and celebrated how far we have come as a family. Gabby and LM appreciated the gesture. At least for today. Tomorrow (or 5 minutes from Now for JB) could be a different story.

Comments

  1. Newish Foster MomApril 15, 2012 at 6:42 PM

    How did it go on Friday??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The therapists told me they were happy with the outcome. I was defensive and frustrated. And sad. Very sad.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

She Never Cried

Sheila called to wish Sarah Happy Birthday and she shared a story with her that as a baby she never cried. Not when she was hungry, not when she was tired, never. She never cried.
A little later Sarah said to me:
"Mom, my Mom said I never cried. I don't really believe that. That can't be true can it? Don't all babies cry sometimes?"
Oh my sweet girl. The red flag went up for her too. As I listened to Sheila share this story fondly, I felt sad. That was a sign of her RAD. That was because she couldn't count on adults. That was because she cried and no one came so she learned not to cry.
"It doesn't sound right to you, does it?"
"No."
"I know your Mom shared that story because she thinks it's cute you never cried. It made me sad. You are right babies cry so adults take care of them. You know how you had a lot of different adults that were supposed to take care of you as a baby?"
"Yeah, like 10 foster parents."
"Well …

Minimum Parenting Standards - Monday's Post

I can't figure out Blogger's time zone and I may not have time to write Monday evening so here is Monday's post.

This week we are having another "team" meeting. This time to discuss the "minimum parenting standards" that the kid's Mom has to meet in order to be "good enough" to parent them.

Now I have all kids of issues with this entire exercise. The first being that these kids deserve better than the minimum. The second, that good enough isn't going to cut it with their issues. The hardest part though is being asked to write down a guide to being their parent FOR their parent. Putting my commitment to first reunify a family to the test. It is one thing to suggest ways in which she can be a better parent and to support the goal by not bad mouthing her and encouraging the kids to share their true feelings. It is an entirely different thing to sit down and write a guide for a woman who has yet to grasp the basics after two years.

It wa…

Reader Question: Did You change their names?

Yes we did. We actually started using their new names shortly after their good bye visit with Sheila last August. So the only name that really changed this week was their last name (kind of, one of them actually had our last name). We had started using them so we wouldn't have to try to do a name change mid-school year. Plus the kids had only been in the school the last 1/2 of the year so they didn't know everyone yet. The school was great about going with the new first names.
At some point Simon spontaneously asked his teacher if he could change his name tag on his desk to our last name. He was tired of waiting on the legal stuff. He started to write Simon Almost Last Name on his papers. So we asked all the kids and they asked for the same update. Their report cards and benchmarks still had their legal names. 
The name change was a bit cumbersome at first. We sounded like owls because someone would ask for a person by their birth name and we would all answer "Who?". W…

FAQs

I had some questions asked of me recently that I thought I would answer here:

1) How do you keep doing this after so much crap?
I actually had two different foster moms ask me this. One dealing with a false allegation and one in a kinship case with a pregnant, unstable bio mom.

I'm not sure I have an eloquent answer to this question. I think I've reached a point where I see the bigger picture - the kids.  That's not to say this stuff doesn't drive me nuts or make me emotional. I would be spitting fire if we had to deal with a false allegation. I'm really upset about the potential of having to make a decision about another baby. But if not me, who? We are good at this. There are kids that need me. And I probably need them. I am a caretaker by nature.  What would I be doing with myself if I didn't have 15 different obligations all at once? I have no idea because I've always been this way. And right now all of the current drama is related to my children. I s…

It is a process

It's a physical ache. A pain in the middle of my chest.  And it causes hot tears, the kind that sting my eyes.  It settled over me today and I couldn't shake it.

It started with news that more people in our lives are expecting and today, I just couldn't muster the happiness.  I heard complaints of not feeling well and my ability to plaster the smile on my face just vanished from my body. I left the house to "run an errand" but really I just needed an escape.

All week I've been able to communicate and tell people about Solana leaving without any trouble.  I probably sounded like a PSA for "How to be the role model foster parent".

People were asking:

So will you get to adopt the little one? Is she staying?

Well no, actually.  She is going home in a few weeks. That's the goal of foster care. We are really happy for her dad. He really gets it. We've built a relationship. I'm so glad she doesn't have to go through the pain of adoption or …