Day 3

My 8 week vacation from drama, trauma, and tantrums is over. We are in the third consecutive day of 20+ minute temper tantrum/meltdowns by Jelly Bean. These episodes leave the entire family drained, feeling helpless and worried that she'll end up back in the hospital. The fear of seeing her Mom is pushing everyone over the edge. Me included. The sense of calm and control I had has quickly vanished. I'm reacting to their big feelings and I feel guilty about it. I feel sad I can't fix this for them. But man oh man do I feel pride in how far they have come.

The thing about the tantrums is that they drain us but once Jelly Bean gets it out she's fine. Pleasant. Back to normal. But just as that happens Gabby starts up and at 10 acts like a dog. She actually growled at her therapist tonight, for the second week in a row. She's regressing in a big way. She also decided this week she wants to tell her class she's in foster care. Unfortunately, Gabby is heavy on detail and it will be hard for her to balance her story with her privacy. Not to mention the peer reaction (or that of their parents).

Little Mama is dissociating from it all. She's thrown herself into her schoolwork. Which for a kid who had 28 missing assignments before winter break is pretty amazing. She actually worked on a project with the goal of getting it done BEFORE the long weekend. But when discussing family therapy in session tonight she was triggered and detached from the present.

So to review we have an 8 year old having toddler tantrums, a 10 year old accessing animalistic behaviors and an 11 year old who is avoiding.

But everything is fine because the visits are going to only be with 2 kids an out in the community.

Day 345 of me banging my head against the wall.

So in an attempt to get my groove back I'm vegged out on the cough watching mindless tv- Vh1's Pop Up Video, Jersey Shore edition (and if you are confuse so was I since Jersey Shore is on MTV). These people are cracked and make my life seem down right normal.