Playing Nice in the Sandbox

Sometimes it's really hard for me to not play dirty in the sandbox. The "team" approach to foster care is more than a little one sided and in my opinion the weighted side is not the right side. Maybe it's because I deal with (on a daily basis) the result of severe abuse. Maybe it's because when my 2nd grader asked me if she could join Girl Scouts it broke my heart because it would interfere with therapy and visits. Maybe because for a year I've been jumping up and down going please help these kids and the people who are supposed to be in charge of doing that have no problem ignoring me. Maybe it's because the person asking me to go above and beyond and play in the sandbox is also the one not including me in play time.

Because they way I look at it-4/5 of the family affected by these decisions are in my home. They are the reason that DCFS is in charge. They were the ones that got hurt and from my view they are the ones being asked to give up the most and do the majority of the shoveling.

Mom got (another) new job. Great! I hope this one hoes more than 2 weeks. And like last time it moved around their appointment schedule. But since we have such a packed schedule we fit lots of things in when we can. A school function is planned for the same night as a new family therapy session. I'm notified of the new schedule via email. We write back on mm/dd the kids were looking forward to going this is going to cause backlash. (Not to mention sets up family therapy to be stressful.)

Case worker (surprise) does not respond. Family therapist (who we discovered this week told the kids to not tell us about eating at therapy and therefore broke the trust of the kids) writes back. Caseworker- it's very hard to work this way.

Did she send it to the caseworker? Nope. She emailed it to foster Mom.

I had several reactions. The first was forget you. The second one was yeah? Try living this way, Maybe then we could talk. Third F U you've only met them 6 times in 5 months and from the looks of this schedule you are taking another 5 week vacation next month.

I forwarded the email on. Caseworker- if family therapist prefers I can leave her off our communications. However we needed further direction. (Because your communication skills are seriously lacking.)

Has Mom rearranged her life for her children? No. And asking her too is like suggesting we kill puppies or something. Have the kids and foster parents rearranged their life for Mom? At least every month. Want to go away for the weekend? Can't Mom has a job this week and visits got switched to all day Saturday. Want to go to the pumpkin patch? Delay an hour kids are still stressing from yesterday's visit.

I think after a certain period of time if the patents aren't working their asses off to get their kids back the clock should run out. That this minimal standard stuff be eliminated. Perhaps then we wouldn't waste the time, money, and resources and further let the kids be harmed while this process drags out. I figure with in 3 years the state will have spent 1/2 million on terminating this persons parental rights between dcfs, court, daycare, foster parent subsidy, medical, and therapy. Someone who has no legal right to be in this country.