Line in the Sand

Friday night I worked late. Hubby handled the kids and it was just about bedtime. I kissed them all good night and when I got to Gabby I noticed something was wrong. I asked her what and she replies "I'm mad at Dad."

So I take her downstairs to talk to Dad.

Gabby why are you upset with me?

You hit me in the head with the carrots.

(I imagine carrots being chucked across the dinner table.)

I was trying to get you to talk and laugh. You were ignoring me.

But it hurt. You hit me in the head.

At some point I interrupted this exchange and found out it was a bag of carrots. Gabby was mad because Hubby asked her to stop asking so many questions while they were watching a cooking show. Then she decided she wasn't going to talk to him the rest of the evening. So he playful swatted her with a bag of carrots and she felt he had hit her in the head with the purpose of hurting her.

Dad apologized (swears to me later the bag hit her shoulder) Magie started crying. I pointed out that on any other day she would have swatted him back. Her incessant question asking was anxiety. Why? Because she had a visit the next day. I asked her how she was feeling about tomorrow. She told me I need to have the toilet ready for when she gets home.

Then she let loose. Doesn't want to have individual visits with Mom. Doesn't want to go to regular visits because she is ignored and then goes and throws up and goes and hides in a box without anyone noticing.

So I call the case worker. No answer. So I text her. She texts back she can't force the child to go.

So in the morning I hear Gabby in the bathroom. My late sleeper was up before everyone else. I found her in her bunk. Asked her how she was feeling. Sick she said. So I relayed that we couldn't force her to go of she didn't want to. She asked to stay home.

Hubby was not happy I so readily allowed her to stay. He accused me of trying to keep her from her Mom and allowing her to run away from her problems without confronting them.

Probably true. But I couldn't watch my happy most adjusted kid throw up that day. Her body is clearly trying to tell us something her mouth won't. If missing that visit made her feel better I was ok with that. Just like if Jelly Bean needed a break in the hospital I was ok too.

So after the other kids left (with the notebook that I wrote in to say that Gabby wasn't coming because she was throwing up every time she sees her Mom and does therapy with her sisters) and Hubby and I argued about the situation I got Gabby breakfast. I asked her if she was still ok with not going. She said "No".

Uh oh? Why not?

Because Dad doesn't want me here.

Oh my? So we go explain it's that he doesn't want her to run away from her problems. So we strike a compromise with her. She can continue to make the choice about going or not going as long as she works with her therapy team to address some of these issues.