Crushed

So we had the status hearing yesterday. I bravely told the judge what Gabby was feeling- she's done. She's vomiting. She doesn't want to go home. She doesn't want to have visits. The judge basically said too bad. The goal is return home. Despite a psychiatrist recommendation and her therapists supporting her assertiveness she told me the child doesn't get to hold the power and will need to see her mother. The judge feels Mom is doing well and is making progress. Although we found out the changes to the therapy schedule are due to a job Mom got-3 hours away and she will be staying with a friend and coming back on the weekends. So no more Friday family therapy and no more individual visits. The only day she is now available to see her kids is Saturday.

But the judge made it clear. Goal is return home. So now shell be spending less Tim with them. Family Therapy will have to be put on hold until a weekend provider can be found. Isn't that stepping backwards?

So we spoke with case worker about the mandate for Gabby. Basically she said Mom doesn't notice her feelings because she hasn't lived with her for 19 months. And it's easy for me since I live with her. I really wanted to scream.

Well how the HELL is it going to change of you can't find a Spanish speaking parenting coach, and the visit supervisor isn't qualified and Saturday is the only day that any of this can be worked on?

Then We talked about getting Gabby to change her run away coping mechanism. Um excuse me but why is it up to the 9 year old to change. Why aren't we putting the responsibility on Mom to learn about her kids? Oh yeah that's right because she can't learn that and hasn't in 19 months. Heck she didn't learn in 9 years.

And the psych eval that was rumored to disclose a personality disorder only made the court empathize with her more. Apparently, they missed the part where it says you can't recover or take medication for a personality disorder. That they require extensive therapy in order to fit in to society. Oh and that caring for deeply traumatized children is hard selfless work. Work that this disorder will prevent her from being able to do.

I know I shouldn't get worked up because she's not likely to keep this job. Her track recorded isn't great. And 3 hours away doesn't seem very promising. And leaves very little time or space for transition if and when that happens. I get she's got to pay her bills but doesn't she also need to worry about getting her kids back too?

I know unfair. I'm sure she's plenty worried but it doesn't feel like that. And how many years is this judge going to give her to do this? I really don't know how 6 months is going to make a difference. Especially if therapy has to start over and she's spending less time with her kids.