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Monday, July 6, 2015

Today's Trigger Brought To You By Mangos

I spent a lot of time this weekend rocking my children. It's a little more difficult to do when they are 10 years old but that's what trauma looks like.  Today's trigger was a mango.  Like the fruit.  It reminded one of a former foster home and all of the loss came crashing down around her.  Then the other one felt the loss and it all came crashing down on her.  It was a repeat of a few days earlier, post visit with Sheila. The letter with the questions was left behind and hat caused upset. Then Smiley and Simon decided to scratch and spit on each other in the car on the way home from the visit.  (They spend an hour driving each way.) So they went to bed crying while the other two cried about the letter and the loss of their Mom.  Stella was also upset about the baby clothes that she saw in the closet. Complex feelings for kids all under the age of 10. 

We went over again the reasons the kids are being adopted, "Remember how we discussed your Mom's problems with depression and how she choses relationships where people got hurt? The judge said she didn't fix the things that she needed to prove she could take care of you?  She loves you, she just can't take care of you like she needs to."

Stella isn't sure she wants to be adopted today.  And that's ok.  We reassured her that she can feel that way.  We went over the importance of sharing those feelings and reminded her that we understand that and that she won't hurt our feelings. 

She has lost so much. siblings, family, culture.  She's never had stability for more than a few months.  All of this is scary. "I must try and control everything and be perfect" kind of scary.

Sarah had a tough weekend with loss but also with her PTSD.  Loud noises and sirens are a big trigger for her PTSD.  We know she struggles with fireworks so we tried to prepare for that. We talked about it, we bought her ear plugs and we gave her the choice to stay home from the fireworks show (special time with Dad). Nope. She was going. And she decided that she wanted to try to watch without her ear plugs. She was a little skittish but as we waited for our town's show to start we could see 3 other neighboring towns.  She started out sitting and watching them on her own.  When it got to be a little much she came and sat on my lap  She had no issues until the finale. I think the noise was just too fast for her to calm herself down between the booms. What I love, though, is as soon as she's regulated she's like "that was awesome".  She just get right back up.

After his sisters melted down at dinner, I checked in with Simon.

"Simon, how are you feeling about all this stuff?"

"I'm kind of excited to be adopted." It's that simple for him.

Smiley, she acted out about the visit in the car and that was about it. My guess is she didn't get much attention and whatever attention she did get was negative as the kids fall into bad habits at visits. Of course everyone was like "Little miss smiley scratched someone? I don't believe it!" She's generally happy and smart and a little lady. Seriously, the kid wears a dress or skirt all.the.time. Most mornings she tells me she has nothing to wear. She has a great giggle and a beautiful smile and so its hard to believe she's the most stubborn kid I've ever met.  When she doesn't want to do something she doesn't do it.  One day she will use her powers for good instead of evil. :)  
 

3 comments:

  1. Smiley sounds much like my Diva.. little six-year-old dynamite.

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    1. Oh yes. Spitfire is the term most people use. And of course she's adorable and photogenic which doesn't help. And lord is that child smart and does she have Daddy wrapped around her finger....

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    2. Ooh, yes, they're really good at that.

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