It's Baaackk

I took a really important step today and scheduled an appointment for myself with a new therapist. One of the joys of moving is assembling your people-dry cleaners, pizza place, doctors, so that they are close to you. My hair stylist is actually already close as I've been going to her for 16 years and I've traveled to see her. So I'm set there. My therapist is over 45 minutes away and I need one that's closer.

*******

I woke up today feeling like the left side of my face was on fire. And I knew deep down, that I will no longer be able to pretend I don't have a chronic illness. One sided face pain is generally a bad sign. So I called the neurologist and got orders for a dreaded MRI. And after 4 phone calls I finally got that scheduled. Within a minute of getting on the horn I was reminded of all the stress and frustration that comes with being sick.  The new rule is you can't schedule the appointment without the precertification number. That requires a facility. How can I pick a facility if I don't know what their availability is because they can't look at the schedule without a pre-cert? Maddening. And I have insurance. It's not the Medical Card I'm trying to use. (And all the foster parents nod their heads in understanding.)

The thing is, I know what's in store and it's no fun. Appointments, tests, medications with yucky side effects. Having to explain over an over that my condition is rare. As in, the nurse I spoke to today at my doctor's office had never heard of it. I don't have time to be sick. I have too much to get done and that probably the cause of the "flare up". 

And because I know that the meds are likely to cause depression I needed to get out in front of that piece. I was headed there anyway to deal with my weepines over my kids lack of permanency. And to add insult to injury the first person that I called told me she had no room for me.

It might all be interrelated. I just know my face feels like it's being stabbed by hot pokers and it's making me increasingly crabby.

*****

 I'm long over due for a flare up. In that regard I've been lucky. And where my disease presents itself could be worse- I could be paralyzed or blind. It just really burst my bubble today. 

I'll be fine. This go-round we know what it is (last time I was in pain 18 months before anyone figured it out). Hopefully I will respond quickly to the treatment and move on. I'm over my pity party and just ready to move forward.