The first was Monday at a big box store. I was checking out with my 4 Valentine's Day cards and some odds and ends and the lady behind the counter was being
Oh how cute are these cards. Are these for your kids?
Yep.
Oh so many! How many children do you have?
Four.
Four!?! Wow. You don't look old enough to have four children.
(Smiling at her.)
How old are they?
11, 9, 8, and 4.
Oh.
Oh? Oh? As if that it explained it. Her suspicion that I was a young mother confirmed. And I instantly felt bad about myself. My own insecurities creeping in. Once I agian I figured somehow I was less than because I'm not a "traditional" mom. I realize this is a ridiculous notion. But I can't keep the thoughts from bubbling up. And I was ANGRY. Angry that this woman thought she knew me. Angry that she made a judgement about me.
Listen here lady. You are absolutely right. I AM too young to be a mother of 4 children who are as old as they are but their own mother couldn't hack it and they need me. No matter how young I might look. And Geez. I'm 30. Its not like I'm 15. And don't you see this beautiful ring on my hand? Yeah thats right he went to Jared. Seriously. Its not like I'm some single chick who just slept with whoever. And then I feel guilty because my kid's mother IS a young mother who is single and had 4 kids with different men. And the hole exchange just left a bad taste in my mouth.
So today we went to get LM and JB's vision checked. We were told in JB's IEP meeting this week that she failed the vision screening 3 seperate times. In fact, she failed so bad they thought she was doing it on purpose so they sent her favorite teacher with her. Still failed. LM I guess wore glasses at some point when she lived with her Mom. About 6 months after she lived here (so more than a year after she went into foster care) she comes home with glasses her Mom "finally found". Umm? If she needed glasses why wasn't she wearing them to school they day that she was brought into foster care? Umm why then did it take more than 12 months to locate them. Then she brought them back to Mom's house and they were lost agian. This should have been my first clue but in a rookie mistake I believed the other foster parents followed through on the screening suggestions.
So after SEVEN calls/transfers we get the number to a place that takes the medical card. Its at a different big box store near our home. Ok I bet they have Saturday hours. I call and make the appointment. Yes we take the Medical Card but we do not handle the glasses the state covers. Huh? So I call the state. Sure happy to give you the number for some providers. Can't tell you which ones handle the glasses though. (BANG MY HEAD ON THE DESK.) So before I get all worked up I decide to get the vision test over with and go from there.
So we go into the exam. JB is up first. The doctor says. Oh this one is probably not going to need anything. The prescreening puts her at 20/20. Say what? She failed it THREE times. Yeah. Sometimes kids do that. Sure enough. Her vision is fine. Then LM gets in the chair. Oh this one for sure. You know what she has a lazy eye. It says here she wore glasses why did she stop? She should have been wearing glasses for the last 6 years. Will it get corrected with the lenses? Yes but it won't be ask good as it would have it she had been wearing her glasses all this time. Its a shame you didn't make her wear them.
Now if you know me in real life you would know my temper can come quick and furious. I have been described as intimidating. I'm told I need to calm down on almost a daily basis by my husband. It took everything in my power to keep my mouth shut and not tell this doctor exactly what I thought of his accusation. To explain to him that I have been the best mother this child has ever had and had I known that she had been diagnosed with a lazy eye and couldn't see her books I would have had her in here the 2nd week she lived with me. That her "real" mother did squat to protect and provide for her kids and this is just one more place that she failed that I get to fix. So he shuffles us out of the room takes the next patient and we are left waiting. The prescription and note for school were not given to me as requested and the response that I got from the staff member was. I'm really sorry he's got a lot of patients and is in the room already. I can mail you the paperwork.
Oh no you don't. Just because I have the state medical card does not mean you are going to bulley me into going away because you think I don't know better. And because I am not going to be buying your frames does not give you the right to dismiss me. I see it. I'm totally guilty of the judging here. I judged her to be less than and myself to be more than. I work really hard not to have my kids be seen as less than. And my assumption that this was what she was doing really ticked me off. Lets just say I made a slight stink. And parked myself right outside of the exam room so the doctor would have to trip over me on the way out.
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