My first birthday party

To attend as a Mom. And man was I a fish out of water. Even though I've been mothering for 9 months now and I'm shuffling 4 kids around which gave me a pretty fast learning curve but I've totally missed out learning the ropes of being a "normal" Mom on the sidelines with other "normal" Moms.

Normal not being a positive or negative term just descriptive. MOST parents in our area birth their own children. This party was for one of the kids in Mr. Mohawk's pre-k class. And some how I got in the huddle of the lady who just gave birth that works with my husband, two pregnant women. I had absolutely nothing to add to the conversation. I felt super out of place. And the whole time I'm thinking do these other Moms feel this way too? Is it awkward because it I'm not really his Mom? That I feel silly because I can't comment on my own pregnancy experience? What if they ask me how he was as a baby? These people don't know he's a foster kid. I don't want them to know.

In the end everything was fine. We went on a hayride, ate hot dogs, had cupcakes and went home. I realized a lot of this was my own insecurity. Most of the time I'm a confident woman secure in my ability to be a good mom and take care of kids who really need it but I'm just not used to being around other moms that got there the way I wish I could have. And perhaps that the grief of not knowing if I'll be able to have children or if these children will be mine forever. Maybe I was a little jealous today. All hard thing to admit but I'm putting them here in case any other foster or adoptive mom has felt this way. Feel free to comment and let others know they aren't alone either.

Btw Mr. Mohawk had fun and managed to be one of the few kids who didn't put cheese balls in their cowboy hats and put he cheesy hats on their heads. I'm doing something right. My kid didn't make a giant mess :)