All in.

Oh how I hate thee! Oh how I hate when I lose my cool (thank you very much nasty cold and stressful day at work for making me crabby) and then I trigger my kids and I spend 60 minutes trying to undue a quick outburst of frustration.

Because ya know yelling about putting stuff away instead of walking over or stepping on it equals I don't love you I'm going to call you're case worker and have her move you.

Trust me. If that was going to happen it would have been done already. There is a term in poker "pot committed" meaning you have too much invested in a hand to fold. I'm all in. If the 4 months of constant bickering and the endless case extensions and the schedule being changed every month didn't make us call the case worker yet it's not going to. Especially over towels. If we haven't called it quits over the hour long meltdowns and screaming at the top of lungs or the children being sent home from school for biting people. Using too much toilet paper and clogging the toilet isn't going to make us run screaming for the hills. (My apologies to anyone who may come to my house we will be switching to the cheap toilet paper.)

But I live in Trauma Land and that means thy all common sense get thrown out the window. It means that reasoning skills are nearly extinct. It means that a simple hand movement can turn your world upside down. It means you need to constantly anticipate and react. Whether you are up to it or not.

And I have 3 children with a severe trauma history. Which means 3 times as much fun in Trauma Land. My daughters bedtime story was not about Princesses. It was reassuring her that she was not going to get bounced from a third home. And silly Mommy didn't remember that this week is the trauma anniversary of this. Because in Trauma Land you spend forever trying to help kids heal from hurts that other people inflicted.

The rub of course is that THIS Mommy understands this but her "Real" Mom does not... Because in Trauma Land what is determined to be the best thing for a child is often the polar opposite of what most people would think.