So all that lovely relaxation and time at the spa- right down the drain pretty much the moment we got in the car.
Made the mistake of sharing my very real feelings with Hubby. He is in protective/defensive mode. It did not go so well for me. He didn't hear what I said in the way I meant it. We are not in a great place. What I said hurt him. And in turn he is trying to hurt me.
Then the kids came home and were totally out of sorts. And still are out of sorts. And I'm over here exhausted. Just drained. Watching it all go down the drain.
And then there is my Mom who's watching me feel helpless. Trying to be supportive but also trying to find a way to hold into the hope I've let go of. And she's angry at the system and the kids (for flip flopping and not being truthful) and she's like well why don't you just have them follow the original date. Why let them finish the school year?
And I'm like because I made a promise. Because that's not their fault. Because you taught me not to quit. Because I don't know if I could forgive myself. And maybe because there is a teeny bit of hope there.
This process sucks. I hate this. I want to be done but I'm not ready to let go yet.
Time to look for the therapist for me and for Hubby.
Made the mistake of sharing my very real feelings with Hubby. He is in protective/defensive mode. It did not go so well for me. He didn't hear what I said in the way I meant it. We are not in a great place. What I said hurt him. And in turn he is trying to hurt me.
Then the kids came home and were totally out of sorts. And still are out of sorts. And I'm over here exhausted. Just drained. Watching it all go down the drain.
And then there is my Mom who's watching me feel helpless. Trying to be supportive but also trying to find a way to hold into the hope I've let go of. And she's angry at the system and the kids (for flip flopping and not being truthful) and she's like well why don't you just have them follow the original date. Why let them finish the school year?
And I'm like because I made a promise. Because that's not their fault. Because you taught me not to quit. Because I don't know if I could forgive myself. And maybe because there is a teeny bit of hope there.
This process sucks. I hate this. I want to be done but I'm not ready to let go yet.
Time to look for the therapist for me and for Hubby.
I feel like I need to say something so that you know you've got readers that support and pray for you.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard tho. There aren't good words for all you're going through.
Hang in there!!
Exactly. I look for your post every day. We are here for you. Silently supporting you every step of the way. The kids will forever be changed for the best because of the time u put into them no matter what happens from here.
ReplyDeleteYou are living life like you are supposed to - keeping your word, doing everything you can for your kids. But it hurts and the stress is overwhelming. All of us readers, including those of us who are anonymous, check your blog frequently and say a prayer for you.
ReplyDeleteWe support you.
What you're going through really sucks. I think you may be on to something when you write about finding a therapist. When it all get's to be too much and no one is thinking about what is good for YOU it may help to talk to some one about your needs, thoughts and emotions.
ReplyDelete