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Monday, March 4, 2013

Overnights Officially Stopped

For the time being overnight visits are officially stopped. More discussions with the service providers need to be had but it didn't sound like they were going to reinstate them any time soon. (I hear "if at all" in the back of my mind.)

I pushed for additional information about a goal change. No such luck. There is a huge concern about the kids safety. And we know that they will not use the emergency phone. They proved that.

In addition to just plain violating the rules, bio Mom took the opportunity to share with the kids that: 1) Grandma wasn't speaking to her 2) said that she guessed the kids don't want a grandma and therefor they won't have one (clearly grandma is blaming them too) 3) grandma is allegedly in a mental health hospital because she was so distraught about not seeing them again. Not only did Mom share this, she purposefully sat them down to discuss with them.

And there is the root. You can see that the environment that Bio Mom is in is unhealthy. Look at how her mother reacted to being told she couldn't come to the visits because of a court order while her daughter is trying to get her kids back. Grandma made it all about her when it has NOTHING to do with her. In fact, if Mom hadn't let her in they would be moving home in a few weeks and she could come over whenever she wanted.

And Mom chose to keep this very unhealthy person in her life and count her as a support. She tried to gain sympathy from her children about how her mother was choosing to react. Made them feel guilty and responsible for "telling" when she shouldn't have broke the rules in the first place. And she doesn't get that you don't share adult problems with children. In reality, her emotional age is not of an adult. And how could it be? She grew up with an unsafe parent herself.

With all the services, therapy and classes she's had she is still saying to the kids, "What do I have to say to make you believe I've changed? Do I have to beg you?". Which further proves she doesn't get that actions speak louder than words and that her kids don't trust her.

What else can they do for this family? If 2 years 9 months of services isn't enough what could 6 more months possibly give them? But then do they have enough to rule no progress to move for termination? My guess is no.

Strangely, I don't feel angry. I feel peaceful. Maybe because I don't have to say goodbye. Maybe because we were right. Maybe because they are taking their safety seriously. Maybe I'm just out of negative emotions. Perhaps I'm numb. Maybe I just don't want to go up and down with it and so I'm choosing not to. It could also be that even in the few weeks that they reduce their visitation I've seen improvement in their behavior. I've seen the well behaved, regulated kids that have worked hard on healing. The hard to manage not listening kids have disappeared.

Hopefully, this is the crazy train coming to a stop.


  1. Oh my goodness -- THAT is good news!

  2. wowo.... hang in there. Don't you just "love" the roller coaster! I hope that it all does work out for the good of the kid in the end.