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My Apologies!

I worked on a book submission for a book about foster care this weekend and I need to apologize.

My blog is in need of some serious spelling and grammar clean-up! I'm so sorry for the "promise to write about it later" posts and the errors!  I do a lot of blogging from my phone and I don't catch the errors.

Going back and re-reading a lot of the blog made me feel like a total idiot.  Thank you for continuing to read despite the errors.  One day I will get around to cleaning up, but going forward I will put more effort into better editing.

I don't know if my submission will be picked and in total disclosure, I missed the deadline so we will have to see what happens.  The book is by the same group that wrote Welcome to the Rollercoaster, and if you have not read this, you really should.  The book is by 14 foster mothers and each chapter shares a story about the children who have come into their homes.  If you found my blog, you likely found their blogs, and I hope you will support this book as the proceeds go to cover legal costs that were accrued fighting for permanency for some special children.

Going back through this blog, was very sad for me.  As I re-read things I realized how upset and angry I was.  I wrote a lot of negative things, and that was hard for me to take ownership of because in real life, I am a very positive person.  (In fact, my Gallup Strength Finder puts positivity as my #2 strength, right behind belief.)  I imagine its hard not to react that way to foster parenting initially since you are giving up control of your life to others. 

I was recently added to my county's foster parent support page and I recognize the same frustrations in the very new, just starting out foster parents.  I find it hard to offer support to them because I feel like my advice comes across as possibly condescending or "know it all" like.  It isn't that, its just being in the trenches for a while, you learn that Bio Mom criticizing you feeding the children raw vegetables isn't something to bat an eye at.  I didn't want to hear that I was making mountains out of molehills at the beginning either because I was so fired up about advocating for the kids.  4 1/2 years in and I'm fairly jaded by it all.

I wrote about the Fab Four finding permanency with their Mom, and my relationship with Maria.  I spent a good chunk of time crying while I was writing.  I had forgotten just how bad the daily battles were and how much I wanted to adopt them.  I can't believe it was 2 years ago that they went home.  I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime since!  In some ways I have. I changed jobs, moved, added 4 new kids, ran 3 1/2 marathons, and started Grad School. I think handling them leaving was a lot of the jump start I needed to start living my life for me again.  (Which I had not been doing for a very long time before the Fab Four came into my life.)
The writing exercise also gave Hubby and I chance to talk about some important things as well.  He never reads what I write (He's maybe read two posts ever...) but he asked to read my start of the submission.  He had forgotten that the day we got the call for Jelly Bean and Mr. Mohawk was on my Grandma's birthday.  Both of us stood in the kitchen and cried together, missing her tremendously.  It was in that moment that he told me that he agreed with my suggestion that Stella's new name will be in honor of my Grandmother. 



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