ACR (1) acupuncture (1) adoption (30) Adoption; RAD; emotions; tantrum (1) adoptive families (4) Amazing people (2) anger (6) Anxiety (1) appointments (1) Attachment (4) Attachment therapy (1) babies (1) banging my head (8) Bed wetting (1) beds (3) bedwetting (3) behavior (25) bio families (2) bio parents (26) biological parents (5) Biological parents; adoption (3) Biological parents; adoption; co parenting (1) Bioparents (1) birth families (21) birth moms (1) birth parents (5) birthdays (3) blogging (5) Boundaries (4) CASA (1) caseworker (9) challenges (4) change (2) Changes (2) co-parenting (16) confessions (15) Consequences (2) Court (20) crafts (1) CW Visit (5) DCFS (9) decisions (3) diary (1) dicipline (1) drama queen (2) emotions (130) Fab Four (14) Fab Four: Post Reunification (2) faith (10) family (12) Family fun (9) family outings (7) family support (15) family therapy (4) feelings (7) fertility (2) flowers (1) food (1) foster care (25) foster parenting (83) Foster parenting; permanency (3) fun (1) Gabby (4) grief (9) healing (5) Holiday (8) Holidays (5) Homework (1) honesty (1) Hubby (2) husbands (3) If I'm being honest (5) illness (1) investigation (1) Jelly Bean (4) laughter (1) legal issues (4) licensing (2) Little Mama (2) loss (5) love (8) lying (1) marriage (1) meetings (1) meltdown (1) Mental Health (3) migraine (1) milestones (1) Mommy Humor (5) mother (1) motherhood (46) Movie review (1) Mr. Mohawk (7) music (2) names (2) Neglect (1) neurosarcoidosis (6) Nostalgia (1) nothing to do with foster care (8) Open adoption (2) organization (1) other people's reactions (7) Overnight visits (2) parenting (12) permanency (10) perspective (6) photolistings (1) photos (2) pictures (5) placement (1) Placements (23) Post Reunification (26) Post visit behavior (2) Post-reunification (5) PRIDE (1) progress (1) PTSD (5) puberty (1) Quartet (3) Questions (1) RAD (5) relationships (6) return home (1) reunification (11) safe haven (1) Sarah (3) sarcasm (1) school (10) Sexual abuse (4) shopping (2) sibling (1) siblings (5) Simon (6) sleep (1) Smiley (1) Social Media (2) Solana (5) Stella (1) stress (9) Suicide (1) support (5) tantrums (3) Team Work (1) Teamwork (5) Thank You (1) The Quartet (1) The System (2) Therapeutic parenting (2) therapy (19) TPR (7) training (1) Transition (10) transition plan (10) trauma (9) triggers (4) typical kids (1) Urine (1) verbal abuse (1) Visit behavior (3) visits (38) waiting (2) where to start (3)

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


So we told Caseworker#3 that we would not be taking the baby if asked. She commended us for our honesty. She praised our solid reasoning and applauded us for not being selfish and taking on more than we can handle because it's a baby. It made me feel better and I'm sooo glad that she didn't try to make us feel guilty. The CASA worker even validated my anger and said how wrong it was for is to even have to be thinking about a baby and how unfair it was.

Bio Mom has been given a more intensive domestic violence program to work. It sounds like the plan would be to place the baby in a traditional foster care placement. (And no one believes she will successfully complete her case plan.) We can't, at this point, take that risk and sign up for that. (The baby gets visits but you don't..and the baby in a car for over an hour? Um I'll pass thanks.) What would happen to my kids if their sibling got to go home and they couldn't? And the loss of a sibling after living with that sibling? 

We may still have to do sibling visits if the adoption isn't finalized. (Which it won't be.) I totally understand why the rules are written this way- siblings who aren't placed together or have aged out of care have the right to visits with each other and also to know certain information about where their sibling is living.  But really what are my 4 kids going to do with an infant for several hours twice a month with no parents there or some other foster mom? Once the goal changes to adoption, visits with Bio Mom stop. What would those visits even look like? 

I mean they don't have to do visits with Bio Dad's baby since that child isn't a ward of the state. We also found out that he may have had another child recently. So that should be babies....

I found some literature from DCFS that said if the visits are in the childrens' best interest they have to take place. I don't think they are in my kids' best interest. And as backwards as it is, I think we have to advocate for no sibling visits....

Then Caseworker #3 told me I should come work for DCFS as an investigator since I found the phoney name Bio Mom has been using and all the Bio Dads. She had been looking and couldn't find the profiles.  You want to find the info out? Ask a foster Mama. We can Facebook stalk with the best of them! 

It's funny because Stella has been on this kick of asking to "track down" her Bio Dad. Telling me we should call the FBI. I finally asked her if she knew what the FBI was and she said no. So when I explained that's who the president calls when he wants to find someone she backed off a little. I wanted to say to her - honey you don't need the FBI. You have me! 

We tell the kids this week that Sheila is pregnant. We'll see how they react.

1 comment:

  1. I've got no words. Your posts always make me shake my head and shudder all over.

    I agree though. Sibling visits would not be in your kids' best interests.

    I remember being in a similar (yet very different) situation with Dude and Dolly when I found out their mom was pregnant. We never did tell the kids. I wonder if they even know now.