ACR (1) acupuncture (1) adoption (30) Adoption; RAD; emotions; tantrum (1) adoptive families (4) Amazing people (2) anger (6) Anxiety (1) appointments (1) Attachment (4) Attachment therapy (1) babies (1) banging my head (8) Bed wetting (1) beds (3) bedwetting (3) behavior (25) bio families (2) bio parents (26) biological parents (5) Biological parents; adoption (3) Biological parents; adoption; co parenting (1) Bioparents (1) birth families (21) birth moms (1) birth parents (5) birthdays (3) blogging (5) Boundaries (4) CASA (1) caseworker (9) challenges (4) change (2) Changes (2) co-parenting (16) confessions (15) Consequences (2) Court (20) crafts (1) CW Visit (5) DCFS (9) decisions (3) diary (1) dicipline (1) drama queen (2) emotions (130) Fab Four (14) Fab Four: Post Reunification (2) faith (10) family (12) Family fun (9) family outings (7) family support (15) family therapy (4) feelings (7) fertility (2) flowers (1) food (1) foster care (25) foster parenting (83) Foster parenting; permanency (3) fun (1) Gabby (4) grief (9) healing (5) Holiday (8) Holidays (5) Homework (1) honesty (1) Hubby (2) husbands (3) If I'm being honest (5) illness (1) investigation (1) Jelly Bean (4) laughter (1) legal issues (4) licensing (2) Little Mama (2) loss (5) love (8) lying (1) marriage (1) meetings (1) meltdown (1) Mental Health (3) migraine (1) milestones (1) Mommy Humor (5) mother (1) motherhood (46) Movie review (1) Mr. Mohawk (7) music (2) names (2) Neglect (1) neurosarcoidosis (6) Nostalgia (1) nothing to do with foster care (8) Open adoption (2) organization (1) other people's reactions (7) Overnight visits (2) parenting (12) permanency (10) perspective (6) photolistings (1) photos (2) pictures (5) placement (1) Placements (23) Post Reunification (26) Post visit behavior (2) Post-reunification (5) PRIDE (1) progress (1) PTSD (5) puberty (1) Quartet (3) Questions (1) RAD (5) relationships (6) return home (1) reunification (11) safe haven (1) Sarah (3) sarcasm (1) school (10) Sexual abuse (4) shopping (2) sibling (1) siblings (5) Simon (6) sleep (1) Smiley (1) Social Media (2) Solana (5) Stella (1) stress (9) Suicide (1) support (5) tantrums (3) Team Work (1) Teamwork (5) Thank You (1) The Quartet (1) The System (2) Therapeutic parenting (2) therapy (19) TPR (7) training (1) Transition (10) transition plan (10) trauma (9) triggers (4) typical kids (1) Urine (1) verbal abuse (1) Visit behavior (3) visits (38) waiting (2) where to start (3)

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Blown Away

A lot of people looked shocked when I told them about this weekend. I'm sure nearly all of them were thinking I had finally cracked up. I mean who would chose to spend an entire weekend with a woman who fought so hard against what I wanted?

I'm sure people said the same thing to her. After all, I fought against her too. Both of us mothers believing we were right, neither of us seeing that down the road maybe we could share.

Truth is we need each other. She needs my help and I need her kids. And tonight, several times, she asked me for that help. She said- I'd like to get closer to you because I really need your help. I don't know what to do when this happens.

Of course she does. I needed help too. I read books and forums and blogs and joined support groups to figure out how to help these kids. I had a fantastic Mom who showed me what safety and love were growing up and I had a support system and a husband to help me help these kids. She has none of that. N.O.N.E.

If foster parenting classes don't prepare foster parents for foster kids- then why would we expect parents who needed their kids in foster care to be any more prepared? Ask anyone involved in the triad- the system is broken and many, many people don't get it.

So on the last day of May- Foster Care Awareness Month I began a weekend of co-parenting with the biological mother of my re-unified foster kids. She said- I'm happy they have two Moms and a Dad.  I said she's stuck with me for life. 

And as we spend the weekend in a place the system forbid me from going the last time I asked, I can't help but tear up. Because I never thought I'd get to see them go down water slides again. I never thought I'd get to see them enjoy my Mom's cooking. Or see my God Daughter call kids her own age her cousins. And now I'm picturing their quinceneras and graduation and weddings. And perhaps a Christmas or two for good measure. 

We set out to grow our family and we certainly have. I never expected that to include a woman my own age but it did. And my heart is so happy. 

And one of the coolest things that happened tonight? Mr. Mohawk took his Mom out to the balcony and said, " Mom! I want to show you the stars."

Oh the possibilities in the stars! 


  1. awe I'm teary eyed reading this. I Know EXACTLY how you feel. And what It takes to get to this point. Good for you. And may your extended honary family live long and prosper. family holidays and all.

  2. A precious experience. we also invited our foster kids mom and the rest of the siblings to join us for our little vacation in two weeks.

  3. I'm teary eyed as well. Amazing possibilities are in store! It won't be never is. But I don't think we ever go wrong when we add people to our family.
    God bless you!!

  4. This fills me with joy. I'm so happy for you - and your family!

  5. Yup, I'm crying too. This is the real meaning of the word redemption. It gives me goose bumps.

    I know Christians talk about it all the time, but so few of us actually offer it to others. God gave us grace and mercy, yet how often do we extend that grace and mercy to our 'enemies' as the Bible instructs?

    You have given their mom a chance to be redeemed.

    "13And now stays faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

    You and your husband are an example of the truest form of love.