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Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Baby Mama Drama

Just when I'm all "openess is awesome, I can work with bio parents" reality trips me and I fall on my face. 

So Sheila failed to make the phone call we scheduled. 12 hours after the scheduled time I got a text asking if I forgot or if she was supposed to call me. 

I responded the following day that I expected her to call but if she wasn't sure she could have called anyway or texted. I reminded her the importance of consistency. 

Her response was of course to say I called last time (so of course I screwed up) and that she couldn't remember (say what?) and it's not like she doesn't call on purpose (refreshing). Oh and the gem at the end stating that she's "trying really hard to keep things good between us" (because of course I'm trying to be difficult by setting the boundaries). 

It's my own fault really. Once again I bought into the facade that she's going to do her part. 

How do you tell me you really miss your kids and you want a relationship with them and then you forget to call them.  Especially when you asked for the call and I reminded you a few days prior? 

Am I wrong to expect her to call? Should I, for the sake of my children, carry more than my share of the relationship and call her? Should I insist on emails.

I replied back that we made the kids available and that she didn't follow up for 12 hours. That's she needs to take responsibility for her actions and her relationship with the kids. Her response was simply "OK".

Apparently being right is more important than re-scheduling. Which honestly, I don't know what I would have agreed to. The kids knew we had a call scheduled but they didn't seem to notice (or at least haven't asked) that it didn't happen. 

I sent the screen shot of her response about not being able to remember to the therapists and Caseworker #4 and asked for a team meeting about the best approach. Stella has some big feelings about baby Solana being in foster care. (She is very worried no one will protect her if she goes home to Sheila.) Caseworker #4 can't do much about the phone call but it made me feel better to tattle that she still can't remember to, you know, call her children.

If you can't remember a phone call on a weekend, how are you going to take care of an infant? 

The answer is of course- she isn't. And that kiddo will likely be in foster care for 2 years before anyone does anything about. 

1 comment:

  1. :-(
    My opinion about you carrying more than your share of the relationship: I think you should not carry more than your share. She is an adult (I know I know - questionable). It is not your responsibility to keep her calendar, especially if you actually DID give her a heads-up, which is more than what we do. Our last visit was missed - we texted her 45 minutes before we supposed to meet asking if she was cancelling as we had not heard from her. We are intending to do the same this coming visit. At this time and at the ages our kids are, they are learning about mom. We, and our counselor are there to navigate and WE, are, the stability they have. We can commiserate, as we face the reality, mommy is still sick and this is part of the sick. She does love you but she does not do a good job of ...

    We get the same song and dance about her "trying" to get along. Because as you said - we set the unfair boundaries. Unfair in her eyes, yet they are safe boundaries for the kids.
    oh, and totally - tattle. Let it be documented.