We took the kids out for pizza last night and arranged for friends and family to meet us there. I believe it's one of the best pizza places ever which is why I would drive 45 minutes to get there.
More than that, this place has meaning to our family. Every birthday, milestone, and even sad days (like the day we viewed my Grandma at the funeral home) has been spent at this pizza joint. A good chunk of my childhood resides in that building.
And as I stood in the tiny dine in room with the 18 of us who were there last night and I watched my kids and family say goodbye to each other, all I could think was: What have I done? How could I cause all of these people so much pain?
The odd part is Hubby had the same thought and voiced it when we got home. I said that I bet if we asked them they would tell us that getting to participate in the kid's lives out weighed the pain now- he remained skeptical.
We both laid in our bed and cried. Discussed our worries for the kids. Recalled funny things from the last two years and tried to ignore than in a few short days this house will be empty of the additional love that filled it.
We are building the list of things to look forward to: no more lock on the TV, privacy, less laundry, lower bills, sleeping in on Saturdays, no need to rush home after work, middle of the week nights out.
It's a small list but its somewhere to start. Because I'm at a loss about how to fix this heartbreak. It's been a long time since I chose something that broke my heart. And I feel utterly responsible for it.
Long Overdue Update
Well hello there! It has been years since I've written and published a post and recently I've had the idea that maybe this year was ...
I'm making that same list. Hang in there. Sleeping in will feel good - but I fully know the pain that will come when you wake up late. This part sucks.
ReplyDelete:( This is the hard part no doubt. Stay strong. Ur doing a great job. Prayer and time heal all wounds.
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