Goodbye

There is something about motherhood that gives you a newfound strength. The strength to care for sick children at 3 AM. The strength to soothe the worst of tantrums. The strength to encourage and reassure even when you are scared as well.

I've summoned up that strength countless times over the last 27 months. I've led the way through some very big feelings, scary situations, and lots of ailments. (4 kids=a lot of 3 Am nights.)

And I did it today as I kept it together fairly well. And as I looked into their tear-filled eyes I reassured them that this so what we worked toward. All the time the promise was our house or Mom's house. With a smile I told them it was all going to be ok and that I loved them. And I thanked them for letting me be their Mom.

I don't know where it came from, motherhood is my only explanation, but somehow I managed to quell the fear, the sadness, and hurt within my heart long enough to reassure my kids that their departure was a good thing.

Hubby and I cried together when the door closed. Instantly, the house was quiet. I know it will be ok but it's going to hurt for a while.

Both of us feel like some of our purpose is gone. We don't know anything but parenthood since we were launched into it 2 years ago. We've decided to take a break and figure out what our next steps are to building our family.

I'll write more about our last few days soon. I have to finish packing up their things so we can bring them this weekend. But first I'm going to sleep. Because now its 9:30pm a much more acceptable bedtime than the 6:30pm of when I really wanted to go to bed.