Every. Single. Time.

I'm convinced that parents of multiple children have at least one child that is especially challenging. Growing up, it was my brother. My Mom has said if he had been first he would have been an only child.

It strikes me as incredibly unfair that I have a daughter just like my brother. You know since I was the good kid and all....

Now I understand the why behind the decisions Jelly Bean makes. I get that this little girl has had every type of abuse. I understand the PTSD and the ADHD and the mood disorder. I get she doesn't feel lovable. But it doesn't always help me to not feel frustrated that she just can't follow directions.

Every. Single. Time. She tests. She pushes he boundary. She tap dances on my buttons and nerves. I'm seriously going to pull my hair out.

The millisecond I give her an opportunity she makes the wrong decision and I have to ground her, take something away, follow through on what I said. I hate it.

Me: Jelly Bean you can go down the block to your friends house. You two can play outside in the back yard. Or you can ride bikes in front of the house with your sisters. When I call for you you need to come straight in.
JB: Ok Mama, thank you.

1 hour later I'm stalking through the backyards calling her name and getting strange looks from the other kids. Where was she? On a joy ride around the block, by herself.

That's what I get for being the fun Mom. The smart Mom should have made her stay inside and work on her research project or do the dishes.