Next Month

We were told this week that the baby to be, will be coming into foster care unless Sheila or the alleged father name family. Sheila will not be bringing the baby home from the hospital. 

Social media and discussions with Caseworker #3 point to Sheila writing off my four and focusing on the baby. I guess she's starting to work the case plan. (Which she's able to do for a few months and then she falls behind making no progress.) It makes me very sad. 

How do you walk away from 6 of your children?

Then she told us that the foster family they are likely to place the baby with is a potential adoptive home. And that hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess it never dawned on me that the placement for the baby would be adoptive. We've said if there were no visits we would take the baby (expedited termination). But it's not fair to have another family fall in love with the baby and go through the process to have us come in and ask to be the adoptive home because we have the siblings. We would have standing, but that doesn't seem right. And that makes me sad too.

 It's all cart before the horse but I guess deep down I was really hoping we would get that experience and another beautiful daughter to love on.

And then I go back to the anger that I 1) have to think about this at all 2) that it affects me like it does 3) that this system is so broken. The kids are caught in all of it and then we get the fallout.

Let's add in the DCFS phone calls because we have an empty bed and all the other stuff happening in our life and I've just had it.