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Saturday, April 18, 2015

You are Welcome to Follow My Story

It seems that the blog has gotten some attention this week.  I was busy doing Mom stuff and missed some comments that were posted and then removed without me reading them.  The comments that were not removed by the author were not what I would consider constructive. I considered not addressing but I also believe in setting boundaries and so before I have to block comments for everyone or make this a password protected blog I thought a post might help.

You are welcome to follow my story but you are excused if you are going to be mean and judgmental. I appreciate the time you took to read what I have written over the past 4 1/2 years.  I'm sure your time is precious and so if you have an issue with me, my methods, and my honesty, then perhaps your time would be better spent elsewhere. 

I write from my heart, with brutal honesty.  If that offends you then you shouldn't be reading it.  But I won't apologize for that honesty.  I know learning other parents are walking a very tough road (and really what parent isn't) is helpful to me.  If it isn't helpful to you then perhaps you should move along. Why criticize another person.  You state I need a few classes in RAD and Attachment.  Isn't that a little hypocritical? How about the Golden Rule?  Would you want people to treat you this way?

And again, I write honestly (except for the anonymous part).  I don't pretend to be an expert.  I'm just a woman who wanted to be a Mom who decided this was the path for me and I'm trying to do the best I can, with what I've got, on any given day. I've made mistakes. I've had bad days. I can always improve.  I think that's applicable to everyone but perhaps I'm wrong and you are in fact, perfect.

Its fine if you disagree with my point of view.  I think healthy discussion is necessary to grow and evolve. But the below comments take it a step too far:

"Yes but why announce it to the world? Really? When we all know these kiddies are smart and probably reading this and my and your blog!!!!!" How do you think they are going to feel if you put all the personal businesses out for the entire world to read? When you were to be the ibe they could count on? Plus if they want to be public I'm sure they have a contract of sort right? I'd hope adoptive parents and such surrounding these beautiful kids already looked into."

"Wowzers seems like you need few classes in RAD And attachment... how to parent children from hard places that come with trauma... writing sentences???? WTH is that going to do to help a child in grieving mode? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Hope u learn a better method before you you hurt these kids more. So sad...... "

"Hmmmm makes me wonder why y'all did sign up up for this if you're going to complain about each and every beautiful thing thrown your way... just WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????"

This is an anonymous blog.  Myself and the children are not identified. Gabby and LM of the Fab Four were aware that I wrote the blog and if someday they stumble upon it I believe they will  come discuss what they read with me.  Same with the Quartet.  They lived it and if they felt their story was taken from them, then I will rectify that.  However, this is also my story.  And as I navigated the very painful road of chronic illness, grief, infertility, and foster parenting I chose to share my story and my perceptions to help others.  I also gained a ton of information and found support from total strangers who were also sharing their stories. Plus it has been a much needed outlet for myself.

This individuals' profile didn't link to a blog or any identifying information so I have no idea if they are a foster or adoptive parent or not. I resent the insinuations that I am not a responsible or capable mother or that I have hurt my children.  But I know better.  And the people that license us, and the case workers who are in and out of my home every few weeks know better, and the CASA workers know better. The therapy group that is highly specialized in attachment and trauma (meaning DCFS calls them when a child has witnessed a murder of a sibling or parent) also know better.  And the four kids that I helped reunify and their mother know better.

Most importantly, my "about to be forever" kids know better.  Even if they've had to write sentences [(which sentences won't solve RAD or assist in attachment but there are an effective consequence in my house (and of course I need classes, I need as many as I can attend because RAD is no joke.)] because I am the Mom that shows up every day. I'm the Mom that gets up in the middle of the night and tries really, really hard to do the right thing, especially since they have witnessed many do the wrong thing. I'm the Mom that remembers their favorite dinners, and colors. I'm the Mom that fights for therapies and school accommodations and permanency. 

And if all of this seems like complaining then again, stop reading.  For every post I write that might seem like complaining to one reader it may be the validation and encouragement that someone needs to continue on with their own tough journey.

7 comments:

  1. I found your blog three years ago when I was new to fostering. I appreciated how real you were and it was such a support to me in my own fostering and adoption journey. I ended up adopting a 14 yr old who choose to move on with a biological relative a year after the adoption. It is hard to take that kind of rejection from a

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    1. "Beautiful thing thrown my way". She wrote more than one essay about her behavior. We weren't perfect but attachment therapy didn't work for us. We tried to be role models and examples. She claimed child abuse against us twice, resulting in two investigations.

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    2. Andrea- thank you for sharing. I am so sorry that you've experienced that situation. I imagine that was heart breaking. Thank you also for your kind words. I'm glad you found support from here.

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  2. I plan to enter the world of foster care in the next few years. I appreciate the blogs that are real and provide me with the information I need to know to make this decision with my eyes wide open. Your sharing helps many, but you will never make everyone happy. No one can. Please continue to share openly and educate the rest of us on the realities of foster care.
    Thank you,
    Lisa

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    1. So glad you are taking time to get knowledgable now, even if it's just to get a support network. No amount of reading can prepare you for the actual application of parenting (typical kids, trauma kids, or special needs) but it can give you a nice foundation. Thank you for your kind words.

      -R

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  3. I love your blog. On my worst day with one child, I think about the size of your heart. Sounds like anonymous could use a grammar lesson. Carry on, R!

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