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Monday, April 13, 2015

Emotions

Last week the TPR trial date was set for next month. In the same conversation Caseworker #3 told me that Sheila is now considering signing the identified surrender paperwork but was requesting a meeting with us to discuss what post adoption contact would look like.

I *should* be excited. At least I feel like that's supposed to be exciting news. However, I'm not feeling much of that. I'm actually kind of exhausted by the thought of a meeting and putting together guidelines and rules. We would be doing that anyway but I hate that it's on her timetable. Like all of a sudden I should be grateful she finally understands that her kids need permanency.

The adoption is still such a conceptual thing for me that I have a hard time feeling like that's real also. We have been on this path for 4 1/2 years. Plus we already feel like a family. I'm also still trying to finish up this term for school and unpack. I feel like if I focus on the adoption that's the point where it will all go off track. So I'm not going to focus on the actions of all these other people.

I have to take it one day at a time and roll with each new piece of information. You can't plan very far ahead while living in foster care land. Which is a really strange way to live for four years. I'm not quite sure what we'll do when we could leave the state on a whim or don't have to forward on information to five places. 

Maybe some of this is the blues. It dawned on me that this was the week that the Fab Four left two years ago and perhaps I'm just waiting for that kind of pain to happen in this case. It was such a random thought. Like, I know there is something special but I can't put my finger on it. Then Maria sent me a text and I was like - oh yeah!

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