Buckle Up

Happy December! We kicked off our holiday season with our 10th annual wine party. Last year, it fell the weekend Jelly bean was in the mental health hospital and I managed to have a very real meltdown in front of my husband's best friend and his then girlfriend (she is now his wife and I consider her family). The year before was the day of my Grandma's funeral and ended at 4 AM with a whipped cream fight in my kitchen.

Clearly, we don't ever cancel the party...

It was cool to look back over the years and see how much our lives have changed. My girlfriend had her 16 month old there and shared news that she's expecting a boy in April. Everyone at the party was married or engaged. We had a babysitter upstairs with the kids - who I babysat when I was in high school.

I managed to blow off some steam without turning into a weepy mess. And despite my 3am bedtime we got up and had a nice day as a family. Which is good because this could be a long and defining week for us.

It begins with a 7am meeting for me at work. (Which I think should be against labor laws.) There is not enough Diet Coke for that kind of early meeting!

Then the trial against the foster parent who hurt Jelly Bean begins. Wednesday JB and LM will testify. Thursday is the next permanency hearing. It's also the anniversary of Jelly beans hospitalization and the anniversary of their uncle's murder.

Oh and DCFS is going to be asking for overnight visits to begin.

It might get bumpy. I'll be fastening my seat belt.

I reached a new place in this nonsense that is limbo. I actually visited one of the waiting children websites. I guess I opened myself back up to the possibility that these kids aren't meant to be my "legal kids". (They will always be "my kids". No judge can tell me otherwise.)

I guess this was a positive thing- Hubby said he was glad when I told him I did the search. He mentioned that if the kids go home at least they have a Mom who loves them and is trying. Which is a point I had to concede.