So anonymous writes:
Has it really been 2 months? I'm not sure I had realized that until I read it!
The short answer is I have no idea.
But you guys don't read for the short answer! I've not been blogging some of the aftermath in an attempt to respect the privacy of my family. Not everyone in my life loves the idea of all this information out there for people to read. And committing to more kids is a family decision.
I think we are taking the summer off from foster care. We are discussing selling our house and moving closer to my parents and our jobs. It's been really nice to have the freedom to decide what plans we want to make and stay out late and travel.
So if we were to take a placement it would have to be after a move because there is no way I'm trying to keep my house available for showing with children in it. (I'm going I have enough trouble with the dog. Today I came home and he knocked the couch cushion completely off.)
When the calls were coming, I was still open to multiple siblings. I like the idea of keeping siblings together. A lot of foster families don't have that room. But now with some space and time I'm thinking maybe 3 would be the limit.
Having had quite an age range I'm not sure it's as important to me as it was before we had the Fab Four. I think if we don't move and stay here, a baby is out of the question just because of the number of appointments they are bound to have. If we do move my Mom could help. I definitely think 9 would be the oldest age. 4 the youngest. But I think it would depend on a lot of factors.
What brought them into care.
What the goal is.
What the visitation schedule looks like.
Length of time in care.
Abuse history.
Educational needs.
Medical and mental health needs.
Case worker background.
Oh yes. I know what it's like to have a lousy case worker and I wouldn't sign up for it again (knowingly).
The idea of just wanting kids hasn't changed. Neither is my desire to be a Mom. But coming out of a stressful, high trauma parenting situation makes me pause.
I'm also hoping that maybe I'll get pregnant and end up with a big blended family. So far all roads to that scenario have turned out to be dead ends.
But Hubby isn't ready to discuss his ideas about foster parenting. I'm not sure he wants to continue and chance the heart ache again. When he is ready he will let me know.
I think we'll probably take another placement at some point. But probably one with a higher chance of adoption. While this reunification has worked out quite well I'm not sure that's usually the case. And it was a tough, tough journey to get them there. Bio family visits are hard on foster kids and I don't know if I want to experience years and years of them.
I ran into a friend of mine from high school on Monday while watching the Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup (yeah!). He introduced me to his girlfriend and said, " This is R. She was Mom in high school. She took care of us."
Not was like a Mom. Not sort of. Not motherly. Was Mom.
And it wasn't a dig as in "she was no fun." It was a proud, almost grateful description. And I had forgotten how true his statement was. I've always taken that role. Always took care, offered advice, taught by example, came prepared.
I'm a little more okay with "was Mom".
Great question anonymous. And I'll try to update/post more. I'm actually seeing the kids for MM's birthday this weekend.
Anyone else have questions? Or a topic you'd like me to write about? A scenario you need help with?
