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Sunday, August 23, 2015

Name Update

I sound like a gosh darn owl.  I'm asking "who" said this, "who" did what? All.the.time.

Who, who, who.

I don't know a (fill in the original name here).

We keep checking with the kids. They keep telling us there are excited for their new names.  Its just hard to remember. 

Its especially hard to use their new names when speaking about past events.

We will get there. 

Stella and I had a long talk about being able to tell me its sometimes hard for her to remember her name.  She was afraid I would be upset.  I reminded her I understood, I changed my name when I got married.  I had been Foster Mom R Maiden Name for 25 years. 

Then I shared the story about Hubby sending me a postcard from Europe to my Maiden name a few years after we were married.  And Grandma having my Momagenda personalized with my old initials.  The lesson being that name is always apart of us.  We just need to make space for the new one too.

The school was great.  They added their new names to all of their class lists and name plates.

The hardest has been....family.

We got a lot of flack from the grandparents.  Both sets.  My Mom understood more because she hears more about the process and had time to get used to what was happening. My Dad was grumbly because that's how he is about change.

Hubby's parents reacted the most strongly.  Hubby called to tell them about court and the name change and he got a lecture about their names being their names. Then he was told that Sheila was their "real Mom" and we couldn't take that away from them.

Hubby fired back - "Foster Mom R isn't any less real as their birth mother. I'm not any less real than their birth father.  If anything, we are more "real" because we do the every day stuff that makes you a parent."

I can't tell you how proud I was of him for that moment.

Can I just say its August and I'm already dreading the holidays a bit....


 

2 comments:

  1. My dad is always grumpy about change as well. It has gotten to the point of being funny...almost. Sorry that his parents don't 'get it'. People are funny that way. If they don't live it, they really just don't get it and we just have to be patient....or pretend we dont hear them lol

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    1. Some of its his fault for not involving them more. They aren't "warm fuzzy" people and so that makes it hard for me to try and educate because that relationship isn't there. (I've tried, it's not reciprocated.) there is also some other family stuff happening including an issue with another sibling and a 2nd sibling who lives closer and just had a baby. They are all about the baby and I see it as a huge gap for what they have done for us (or rather haven't) and what they have done for the biological grandchild. There is some definite favoritism and I refuse to let become apparent to my children.

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