As a foster family we have been living under a microscope for the past 4 years. Today the inevitable happened and a "concerned caller" reported an incident. I don't want to put the full details out there yet (if at all). But we did manage to find out (after the 2nd call from the department) that it was indeed Bio Mom that raised the issue.
It wasn't a hotline call, but the insinuation was that something inappropriate happened. There will be no investigation (at this point in time) and we volunteered a safety plan of sorts to ensure no future confusion. I could see how the phrasing of a beloved family bonding activity could have caused someone to raise an eyebrow if taken out of context. I actually said I'm glad someone cares enough about the kids to double check and I stayed relatively calm about the pseudo accusation.
Then I found out it was Bio Mom and I got really irritated. I get that she's angry. I also get we are the obvious target. But if you were so concerned about something that happened a month ago, why didn't you bring it up then? This type of behavior is unproductive and not helpful. And it puts us in a tough spot because it forces us to fulfill her assumption that we will cut her out of their life. And more importantly, it puts your kids at risk for a disruption and that's harmful to them. We have the support of the casework to stop facilitating the phone calls if the attitude continues to be a problem.
I realize that this is more of the same type of behavior we experienced with Stella and Sarah's former foster mom. It was ugly and stressful and I really don't want to deal with it. I also realize that we aren't dealing with a stable person. I just wish I could respond with the snark and bitchiness this deserves. Its going to be a long 6 months to the next permanency hearing where the goal could change to adoption.
It wasn't a hotline call, but the insinuation was that something inappropriate happened. There will be no investigation (at this point in time) and we volunteered a safety plan of sorts to ensure no future confusion. I could see how the phrasing of a beloved family bonding activity could have caused someone to raise an eyebrow if taken out of context. I actually said I'm glad someone cares enough about the kids to double check and I stayed relatively calm about the pseudo accusation.
Then I found out it was Bio Mom and I got really irritated. I get that she's angry. I also get we are the obvious target. But if you were so concerned about something that happened a month ago, why didn't you bring it up then? This type of behavior is unproductive and not helpful. And it puts us in a tough spot because it forces us to fulfill her assumption that we will cut her out of their life. And more importantly, it puts your kids at risk for a disruption and that's harmful to them. We have the support of the casework to stop facilitating the phone calls if the attitude continues to be a problem.
I realize that this is more of the same type of behavior we experienced with Stella and Sarah's former foster mom. It was ugly and stressful and I really don't want to deal with it. I also realize that we aren't dealing with a stable person. I just wish I could respond with the snark and bitchiness this deserves. Its going to be a long 6 months to the next permanency hearing where the goal could change to adoption.
I'm so sorry. Like I say...it's not if, it's when.
ReplyDeleteI will pray that the department handles this quickly and continues to give you all the support you need and deserve.
Yuck! I live in fear of this very scenario. 6 months is a LONG time to wait.
ReplyDelete